It is really cold. I need to get up. Prepare dinner and eat. I need to clean kitchen as well before 10pm.
I went out for shopping. I really did not need anything. I bought one pair of socks. Christmas stuff was sitting on clearance section. I picked a few items. For one long year I have to keep them at home. So I put them back.
I saw some old people buying such stuff. They have grandkids and I am sure, they bought fresh stuff for their kids. Poor babies love their grand parents even more!!
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I really don’t know what to say. There is something quite charming and atmospheric about the piece. As a reader, I was able to envision the narrator at a mall, browsing through the clearance section, moseying down the aisle, when he or he suddenly turns her hand to an old married couple, who are stuffing clothes and toys and other gadgets into their cart. Then, the narrator makes that remark: “They have grandkids and I am sure, they bought fresh stuff for their kids. Poor babies love their grand parents even more!!” It is such a random thought that does not exactly coincide with the rest of the piece, and yet, that’s what prompted me to think deeper. Why would the narrator think this? Why are he or she looking upon these old people and making conclusions about their grandkids? And then it hit me. There was some clarity – the narrator is lonely. The context clues are there, such as the narrator’s “cold” and humdrum home life, and his or her rather pessimistic, wary viewpoint when observing the Christmas items on clearance. Without company, without anybody to push the narrator, he or she feels unmotivated and uninspired, thus making him or her plain and sorrowful. As the narrator gazes at the old people, he or she is clearly envious of their lives, for they have both fulfillment and love. The story is all there: the reader just has to take a moment to contemplate the true meaning behind the words. Bravo!
Still, although I am a fan of pieces that force readers to think a little harder to derive a meaning, I believe that this work would benefit from a little more detail. While I am relatively confident in my theory about the narrator being alone and seeking out company, I am only making assumptions. That being said, I would suggest that you expand on the piece so that the piece’s genuine purpose is effectively established to the reader. In particular, (again, if my theory is correct,) I am thinking in regards to developing the narrator’s surrounding and consciousness – establish who the narrator is and what he or she is about. Talk about what the narrator’s home is like. Talk about what the narrator does on a typical day. Talk about the narrator’s wishes and aspirations. Make the narrator’s train of thought more discernable. Ambiguity might be fun to play with, but you don’t want your work to be so vague and flighty that the reader is left baffled in the end.
I repeat: I do absolutely love this piece! But I am offering this advice to you because I want to ensure that the general audience understands the piece’s true intent, as I am sure that you’d want.
This is my observation. I know how grandparents love their grandkids. I love old people and I did not want to hurt their feelings about babies. But I never thought about such review. I wrote what I thought. And I know how hard is to buy new things. They are too old to earn more money. So they look for less expensive stuff. And I know how lavishly they spent for their kids.