An ordinary man gets himself ready to rest his aches and worries that overcome him on a daily basis. He doesn’t have a difficult life or even a hard job for that matter, for it is his mind that he strains with and is tiresome to him from time to time, you see he has a traumatic and sometimes terrifying past that he has no choice to not only battle, but to also except the overwhelming painful truth, and it is these thoughts that at any time given especially when he lies in the shadows, can form any dark entity imaginable and some days and or evenings he feels as if he just worked a fortnight. And not are they only tiresome to him but they come at a price that always seems to make things more complicated for him and others around him, as he fights with those certain “ghosts from the past” he sometimes forgets to pay more attention and give into the needs to those he holds dearly and close to him. And usually when he realizes that he forgot to uphold a promise or maybe should have shown more compassion towards another’s interests and needs, it is to late and the time for even an apology is gone. So as he lets his eyes adjust to the lighting in the room, seeing ever so soft ambient whites, grays, and blues giving the room a new likeness and life with shadows flickering over the furniture laying about that what almost looked to him at times as if everything was alive and communicating with one another using a twitch-like movement that only they can understand. A completely different feeling in here than the daytime he thought to himself, and for some reason finding that funny he let out little shot of air flair through his nose. As the evening progresses and he finds himself getting tired, he starts to think of things he could have done better that day, always finding it hard not to come off as being selfish knowing he could have done something different. Also finding it hard to get comfortable he turns ever so slowly and gazes his eyes upon what he wishes more than anything he could fix, it is his love, his woman who’s name isn’t important at this time but he loves that too, and ever so softly whispers to himself “Julia”. His eyes fixated on her resting face the flickering shadows giving her new expressions although he knew she wasn’t moving at all and that she was sound asleep, he knows that “she” more than anybody suffers from the ignorance that he does not mean to enforce on her, as that thought settles in he feels guilt deep in his heart, as if inside his soul lied a pond that was untouched and always calm to its surroundings, was now being splashed about and forever changed as boulders smashed and hit the water with tremendous force. As these feelings fall upon him he finds it uncomprehendable of how he can ever ignore and or hurt something so beautiful, so kind to him and his needs, and someone who is just so amazing and important to him. Still fixated on her beauty he cannot help but to wish he could wake her up and with one word that would act like magic would make everything that she found to be sorrow in her life disappear, for he knew just an apology would never be enough and he truly knows this, it is his actions he shows upon her that makes her feel dread or perceive worrisome sorrows. Shutting his eyes slowly feeling a wetness fall upon his face he damns himself for falling on the same old to familiar mistakes, and then he damns his past, and as he slowly starts to fall into the world of slumber, he asks himself the same questions over and over “why were those who meant so much to me also have to be the ones who have hurt me?” My love is strong and true yet creates my demons so how do I overcome these things? Why do I have to suffer so? Just as he thought he closed his eyes completely he feels a unknown warmth fall upon him, and the light seeping through his eyelids was completely different from just moments before. As he opened his eyes and adjusting them to the odd brightness he sees before him was in complete awe. He finds himself still lying in what seemed to be his bed but what now looked like a smokey cloud while still somehow holding the shape what he knew lied underneath him. Still finding himself completely baffled of what he was seeing, he found himself gazing up at the sky which was now halfway daytime with the sun gleaming high above, and lined perfectly in half next to the huge gleaming star was a moon, with smaller stars everywhere that shined ever so brightly upon a galaxy swirled filled sky. Finding it extremely hard to pull his stare from the unremarkable beauty from what was above him he looked down to try to understand what else was around him, it was at this moment he realized he was completely surrounded for miles upon miles that looked endless to him of tall shards and blades of grass that swayed with fluid movement, glistening different colors of dew setting on the blades like colored studded diamonds. He also noticed it was as if the very ground he laid upon was breathing, as if on the stomach of some ancient godly giant that was forgotten in the abyss of time and covered in the mesmerizing landscape that’s surrounded him, he heard what sounded like a ocean but there was not a single puddle or yet even a droplet of water to be seen. At that exact moment he thought of the single goblet of water he was looking for, it began to rain, but this was no ordinary storm, the tiny drops of water of every color imaginable stopped inches away from his face and also where he lay as if there was a small force that he was unaware of but at the same time was a part of him keeping him dry, then lightning streaked across the atmosphere with no thunder “what a beautiful and wondrous sight” he thought to himself as flashes of greens and purples flown about the halfsky, illuminating the light from one side to the other while both day and night filled the endless wonder. Although it might have took him a few minutes, or a lifetime for all he knew because time ceased to exist so however long it was he could not tell but then he realized that everything around him could not be real, either he was now in heaven, or he had to be dreaming, he knew in his heart that he was not ready to leave the living life and whatever gods were out there we’re not ready for him this he knew, he had way more to give and way more to love, and with love on his mind at that very moment he thought of her, his everything, wishing she could see what he was seeing before it faded away, it was then that next to him started to form a shape.. a very familiar silhouette, only this was no ordinary shadow, the outlining shined like precious gemstones hitting the light that almost seemed to be made to have one single purpose, to shine inside the sharded gems perfectly so that they would let the stones show their full potential and true beauty. As the smoke like silhouette became more familiar to him he almost lost a breath, overcomed with excitement as he knew who was lying next to him, he says out loud in this new world for the fist time to hear…”Julia”. He was astounded as she lay next to him more beautiful and brilliant than he has ever seen her, he found it odd because she looked very similar to what she looks like when he is awake, only now his subconscious was letting her be seen for who he thought she truly was. Her radiance would make queens bow, The Angels army’s would sing songs about her throughout history, so beautiful that her glory should be known throughout the heavens and the galaxies, stories the gods would tell their children of how she would make worlds weep and sing of her beauty. As she laid there not saying a single word, her eyes wide open, so big and so beautiful that he seen the flickering flashes of lights, the moon the stars the galaxies the sun, everything that he found beautiful was drawn upon her eyes and face. She was so innocent looking, so pure gentle and kind she would never hurt a single living being. Just staring at him he found himself motionless and speechless for everything was just so overwhelming yet he didn’t mind, he wanted to soak in this feeling for as long as possible for he knew that soon he might awake and all could be lost. As they let their eyes fall upon one another getting lost and each other’s gaze the man started to notice a change in the gem-like flickering that shined upon her, within these glistening shards he found himself seeing memories of his entire life, not only the good but the bad as well. Through the flashes of memories he would soon see his ghosts of the past start to make shape. Although nothing seemed to change in front of him, his love still gazing deep inside him and the glorious beautiful sights that’s surrounded them he can still feel a change falling upon him that was dreadful and he refused to give in or succumb to its likeness. Staring deep into her eyes he tells her that he hurts for her…The company that always follows him whether they are in solid form or just apprehensions of his own mind, the horrible things that distract him from her, like never before in a tone he never used, as if he was hearing the voice of his own heart for the first time ever he says to her as she looks at him with complete understandment “I’m so sorry”. Feeling his mind struggling and pushing back on the walls and barriers that he put up to keep them away from danger, feeling as if there where huge doors on each side of them and hearing the crushing sound of something even bigger on the other side and are trying to break through. The lightning getting brighter and brighter and the dark half of the sky seeming to fall over the sun that was battling to keep its light ever shining through. He then feels a deep despair in his heart because he doesn’t want to go anywhere else ever he is perfectly content with her and does not want to get separated by being blown away from whatever may be trying to get through the other side. In this moment he realizes he can be anything he can form into something bigger, stronger, he can fight what is on the other side, or being that this is now his world and knowing it, he could think of anything to make it disappear he could choose to go anywhere, do anything, be anybody, he could choose to see loved ones that who are now gone to him, he can have everything anybody, and everybody all at once. Then a thought occurred to him thinking back on that little pond that lied deep in his soul a mixed feeling of guilt and love a mixed feeling that was both hard and soft at times, very confusing but a most welcome feeling it was indeed, a conundrum of feelings that having everything but losing more than than what you think you own kept falling upon him and it was a feeling that felt like it was everything to him, it was all he ever wanted and would ever need. Throughout everything that was happening at once “so much noise” he thought.. “to much noise!” he then screams. The storm swallowing the skies whirling it in a downward spiral twisting and contorting it as it’s getting bigger and bigger so enormous it could swallow the heavens whole above. Hearing everything and nothing at the same time so loud to where it was defining ever so quiet it was frightening. Battling this storm head on feeling it was the hardest thing he’s ever had to do, holding on to that “feeling” as long as he could and just as he was about to give up all hope thinking he was completely out of strength the storm seemed to subside and the unknown noises seem to become more familiar, scared to open his eyes to see what laid upon him because this feeling was so true so pure, so concerning to him, his answer to his everything, knowing that he was about to see what it was that made him complete.. that made him who he was to his very core, will now be seen and he did not know what this new epiphany given to him through a dream was about to lay upon him, and the feeling of that uncertainty terrified him, almost more terrifying than the storm that had just faded away into the light and the night, ever so bravely he opens his eyes and then a exceeding amount of overjoyment filled his entire self being, lying peacefully amongst everything that had just happened so fast and yet seemed like an eternity,ever so gracefully with the same stare and wondrous harmless innocent gaze still lied his love. Everything that was important to him, his answer to making the storm subside and the past leave him be. She lies completely unharmed from the nightmare that’s swarmed around them, a look in her eyes as if nothing happened at all and she left off with the sweetest words from the last thing he said to her before he thought their world was about to fall apart and they would fade away from one another.. ever so softly she says to him “it’s okay” and they both smiled and held each other for what seemed to be an eternity, because now as the man lies awake he can still see the dream he had when everything around him fell apart and he was in the darkness, she was there for him. and no matter what happens between them he knows that he finally has his answer he has what he needs and he leaves off saying to himself with a most comfortable and gratifying feeling he says her name, the name of names, That one word, That can make everything to him okay again… “Julia”.
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