She thinks about never being good enough, for anyone, even herself. Living life to the best of her capabilities. She forces the smiles, the laugh, the careless jokes to make others feel a happiness she so desires. Writing her thoughts online is her coping mechanism, “get these thoughts out of your head,” she constantly mumbles. Sick of feeling this way, she thinks of her future, trying her hardest in school, but never doing as well as she tries. A disappointment is what she is, constantly trying, but never good enough. Sad thing is, she couldn’t just be specified to one person. She is very many people, lots feeling this way, no one notices because they all think she is okay.
Creativity
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I liked it when you wrote, “…the careless jokes to make others feel a happiness she so desires.” It’s often the case with many folks who deal with mental illnesses, depression especially, that they want to keep others from feeling the pain they feel. As one folk who feels this way, I think there is some truth to desiring that happiness. It’s almost as though you’re living vicariously through another person and it’s just a very big mood well captured in your piece.