My therapist read my other challenge piece. Honest, I didn’t think it was very good. I felt it was rushed, and there wasn’t enough character development. But she said she liked the way I slowly gave away details, the way I made Jorden seem so… like able. So she challenged me to write another piece. And this prompt really hit home. She asked me to write about a mom with two kids and a dad with two kids who are going through a divorce. And… my parents got divorced when I was three, and my older brother was six. And my parents are divorced, my dad’s parents are divorced, and my stepmom’s parents are divorced, so I’m decently experienced with divorce. Enough about my depressing backstory. Onto the piece, enjoy!
Note:: This is W.I.P
Prologue
There once was a very happy couple. They were highschool sweethearts. Her voted most likely to marry him, him voted most likely to have eight kids. He took her to prom, he rented a limo and greeted her at her doorstep. If you saw them you would know they were made for each other, spending every spare moment with each other. Not a bad word of the other left their mouths. She argued that she would have two kids, at max. He wanted to have as many as they could. And then their first child was born. They named him Angel, because that’s how they saw their perfect little boy with brown ringlets and cobalt eyes. She was twenty-five, him just a year younger. They were ecstatic, their dreams come true. They had a family, those highschool sweethearts with that perfect little boy. But when their second child was born, it all went downhill.
Chapter One
Emily
Emily Smith tipped the greenish bottle of wine back to her chapped lips. Her vision was hazy, everything blurring together. She couldn’t even read the label of the wine. She took a big gulp and slouched down on the dirty couch, spilling the room-temperature liquid over her shirt she hadn’t changed out of in days. The bottle fell to the carpeted floor, leaking wine onto the flattened-down fabric. Emily curled in on herself, laying her head on the armrest, sticky hair plastered to her face.
Chapter Two
Patrick
Patrick Smith lifted the bottle of milk out of the container of hot water. He had a burping cloth over his shoulder, the now-warm bottle of milk in his hand. He strolled over to the white crib where his daughter, Aubrey Smith, cried. She was hungry. He fed her and set her down for the night. It was late, and he had been awoken by her bawling. His nine-year-old son, Angel, walked groggily into the living room of their temporary apartment. Or at least that’s what Patrick called it. He just had to get himself and his kids away from his drunken, abusive wife (soon to be ex-).
Chapter Three
Angel
Angel Smith was not like any other kid in his third-grade class. No other kids had parents that fought constantly, every night, bickering back and forth. Amanda Hartman’s parents were divorced, but they had been since she was two. When his parents first started fighting, Angel shut everyone out. He had been made fun of for having a girl’s name already, but then they called him the devil, because he was “dark”, and an Angel. He hated the name, but could do nothing to stop it. His mommy was always too drunk to go to for advice, and his daddy was always busy with the baby. So Angel was left all alone.
Chapter Four
Emily
Emily straightened her wrinkled blouse and began fussing with her messy brown hair. She gave her cobalt eyes different-sized wings and smeared on lipstick. It was another day in court. Her closest friend, Brenda, picked her up in her run-of-the-mill Toyota with the cracked side mirror.
“Are you nervous?” Brenda asked as Emily hopped in, dragging her over-sized purse with her. The purse held a half-full bottle of wine and a container of pills that she had no prescription to, she had stolen them from Brenda’s house the week before.
“Of course I am,” Emily answered, her words curving up at the end. Her poorly-placed contacts made her eyes itch, and she was constantly blinking. “But I can’t wait to see the look on patrick’s face when I earn full custody of the kids.”
Brenda sighed and focused on the road. When they arrived, Emily got out, and Brenda drove off to park the car. Emily stared up at the huge beige building. And she walked in.
Chapter Five
Patrick
Patrick was there early. Angel stood at his side, Aubrey was miraculously asleep in his arms. His heart stopped the moment he saw Emily. His beautiful Emily, whom he’d loved since the ninth grade. Who no longer loved him. Who fought to steal his kids away from him. He remembered a time when they were happy, before one-year-old Aubrey was alive. When Angel was only seven, a sweet little first grader. When Emily hadn’t started drinking, hadn’t hit Angel. When they had lived together happily, high school sweethearts gone good. But now, as he took in Emily’s smeared makeup and messed-up hair, he knew that time was over. The day went by in a blur, both Patrick and Emily arguing why they should get custody of their two, beautiful kids. For the moment they agreed on switch-custody, where they kids would go back and forth each day. The final decision would be made after each house was inspected. Patrick was sure Emily would fail, he’d seen her house himself. It was a mess of wine bottles and empty pill containers. There was no way she could clean it up by the next day. Patrick reluctantly handed over baby Aubrey, and Angel took Emily’s hand. She gave him a scowl, and took her kids away to meet her best friend, Brenda, outside.
Chapter Six
Angel
Angel watched his mommy slip one of the blue pills into her mouth and use the clear bottle of wine to wash it down. He silently slunk up the stairs to his room. Baby Aubrey cried like mad, but his mommy paid no mind to the infant. Angel shook off his race car backpack and dumped it at the foot of his twin-sized bed. The other kids in his class thought he was a baby, for having such a ridiculous backpack. And for having such a ridiculous name. Miss Herring made many attempts to silence them, but Angel could still hear the whispers. Angel flopped onto the bed, his ear-length brown ringlets pressing against his face. But he didn’t care. His room had once been a place of love and warmth and the feeling of “home”. Now it was an empty shell of what it used to be. The walls were stripped of their posters, the wallpaper peeling. Shattered glass littered the grey carpet, subject to many of his mommy’s drink sessions. Angel curled under his flat, dirty comforter and fell asleep.
Chapter Seven
Emily
Emily waved as she watched her son walk into Briar Elementary School. He didn’t wander off to talk to friends, he didn’t even look around. He just kept his eyes forward and walked right on into his school.
Realistic Fiction
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I really enjoyed reading this, and it’s a great start for a W.I.P. I love the introduction that you give that shows the background of the couple before it went downhill. For continuing this piece, I would recommend fleshing out the full story of what happened between Emily and Patrick. I was especially intrigued in finding out how Emily turned out this way, since we learned that she was not always an alcoholic. Why did it happen after the birth of the second child? I would like to know more about Emily’s psychological change. I think adding more about the relationship and showing us the changes between them would add even more heart to this great story!
Thank you so much! At the moment I am still figuring out the backstory to this piece. I was given wha to write and it was up to me to create the rest! I’m absolutely thrilled to hear your feedback and I hope you’ll comment again in the future!