The dirt lot at the base of the mountain was comfortingly empty, adding to the quiet serenity of this day. The drive up the rocky terrain had my hands sweating, it would have been reason enough to turn back, had it not been for you beside me smiling reassuringly. The day had the perfect coverage of dull grey; as if the sky were wearing sunglasses to cut the sun’s rays, leaving a hazy filter over the earth and her winter frost. I stepped out of the gray, mud riddled Jeep. Waiting for you to join me beneath the frosted trees, I breathed in the frigid air laced with scents of pine. Could peace have a smell? If it did that was the aroma permeating this day.
You trailed behind me cutting through the trees, ever so patient with me while I took my time finding my footing over the hidden ice beneath the snow. I held the branches above for stability and could feel you place your hand on mine to recover the grip. Once the ground was more secure and the path seemed to show itself like stepping- stones; I dared a glance back at your face. That face that won my heart so many years before. That face that made me feel safe, secure and loved. At the same time your lashes flickered upward catching my gaze.
Your eyes sparkled with no sun.
Your face said I love you with no words.
You are still the most perfect man that had ever wanted me. I continued forward desperately trying to be here for the entire journey. I wanted to remember every branch. Every blanketed rock. Every foot- print I left behind for another hiker to see and know; they aren’t the first to step here. A feeling of self-consciousness came over me. I couldn’t shake the feeling I wasn’t as attractive as I once was. I wondered what I looked like from the back. Was my hair stringy and frayed or was it still bouncy flowing dark curls? Was my curvy physique still one you admired and longed for? Or one that you had grown tired of.
I sat on a rock waiting for you to catch up and sit beside me, beneath the frosted trees.
I took the moment to lie back on the chilled rock, staring up at the canopy of dark greens splattered with tufts of white. There was something to be said of this rapport. Leaves that never died, just simply lay in wait until the frost has had its fill of this life and melts into nothing. The leaves give up some time to allow the frost to live for a moment.
I feel your presence emerge from the trees as you lay beside me not saying a word. I close my eyes to the frost. If I close my eyes, the warmth from your hand radiates through my body, even when it is no longer there. Nothing else penetrates my senses the way your touch does.
I sense the light has changed and my eyes spring open to catch a glimpse of the sun’s brilliance shining through the pines. Excitedly, I scamper up the few remaining boulders which meandered themselves through the frosted, sacrificial trees up to where the light has no barriers, nothing to stop it from flooding the ground causing the snow to twinkle and dance under the rays. I stretch my arm behind my back, my hand loosely waiting to feel your rough fingers grab hold of my dainty ones, as I always did. You did not disappoint, as you never do.
Entering the untouched clearing felt as though I was breaking through some invisible barrier. A barrier which held us back and in line with everyone else and now we had our freedom. I allowed my breath to catch up to the adjusted elevation before whispering-
“Always and Forever.” I couldn’t contain the smile which spread across my cheeks so wide, pinching the corners of my mouth.
“Hey there!” A young man’s voice following the trail perpendicular to mine came from the trees below me.
The sun found solace behind the gray clouds once more, possibly hiding from these intruders, ending my moment of bliss.
“Hello! How you folks doing today?” I called down politely glancing over my shoulder, never turning my back to our clearing.
“We’re doing great going to be following this trail to the lake about 2 miles East…” The woman companion replied “…you’re a brave one- I wouldn’t have the guts to come out on this hike alone on a day like today.”
I gave her a smile and nodded a farewell to the couple.
I closed my eyes allowing the tears which were building since the moment my feet touched the icy ground, to flow and fall where they may. Perhaps my tears would leave prints in the snow. Letting others know they aren’t the first to cry here.
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