The world can be a shady place, it doesn’t matter where you happen to land in it, there’s always a darkness to be fought, it doesn’t matter if anyone else can see it as long as I know it’s there I can go on with nothing but a clenched fist, a shit eating grin, and the pride of manliness to push through it all. Years back in my infinite naivete the bug of justice struck, witnessing the woes of the other kids around me being struck down by those who wielded greater size and strength for nothing more than being of inadequate size to fight back, I saw my first glimpse of corruption and the balance of power, those who were bigger could do as they pleased I realized. My first response was to denounce this bully however my words fell on deaf ears, the giant beast of a child slapped me down with a single stroke and laughed, my victory no justice itself had failed in my six year old mind.
Size eluded me no matter how much I trained by mimicking the moves of the power rangers, it did not grant me strength, my frame unable to deliver a blow with any form of impact, after several brilliant direct attacks I learned I was durable, I’d like to think I won the psychological war of repeated attempts, the fact that I kept coming back means he knows I haven’t lost yet, it’s going to be a long and bloody battle of attrition, the hero will win after all.
As the years flew by the boy who was a hero died, no longer did I intervene for the sake of justice, the rage of life of injustice filled my every breath, the teenage avenger was born. Despite my growth I still lacked the size and strength to make my will a reality, I could not defend myself, I could not protect anyone, no a darker path lay before me, vengeance. They could hit me, kick me, spit on me, mock me to the extreme but I would not break, I would smile and laugh, they would give in to every bit of anger they had but it was never enough to take me down, I found a calling in malice and experience wrought a new reality of tactics, catch your enemy alone and escalate, I found these types had boundaries they would not cross but I was uninhibited I found freedom, a en inserted into ones hand was a great deterrent and assuming they had a few working brain cells maybe they would realize you can beat me, but you will suffer for a long time to come I learned this from the best of porcupines that you can’t always win but you can make them regret it.
Manhood struck at last the school days gone, but the fight, the need for conflict persisted strong, with no more direct injustice to me I had to find a new enemy, something to champion, a new drive to fill the void of conflict lost, oh college how gracious you were, I was a soldier at last. In my new enemy there was a true deviousness a monster unlike any I had encountered before, they not got their hands dirty, paid for power and status with their parents pocket change, squandering money and buying anything that they wanted with no effort on their own part, having this gift and squandering it so carelessly, it was a time for revolution, of rebellion even against this class with no regard for others. I made the rounds infiltrating parties, swiping credit cards and petty cash, adopting their identities when needed to make larger withdrawals, this liberated money was channeled back into the cause, the poor, the underprivileged, the ones who just needed a break to buy their books,or at least that’s what I thought at the time, turns out they just wanted to drink and smoke pot, sure some of the funds were spent on these victory celebrations but I knew deep down inside I was doing the right thing.
Years fly by quicker and quicker, each day has less meaning than its predecessor, I finally became a man again, not that I ever wasn’t but digress before I entered the real world I had only thought I was a man. The sights to behold all the fights, the victories, the causes triumphed, none of it mattered, my vision of what was to be, was shattered by the dilemma of rent, with no more justice to bring and no more people to serve, I became a warrior. Now freelance my only allegiance the daily struggle of nine to five, a constant meaningless battle that only resulted in fatigue would test my endurance daily. I traded blow for blow with this evil wrought fro the depths of hell itself but I could never claim victory everyday it consumed me more and more, forced me to back down to compromise to give it, at last I had enough, I finally walked away. All the meaning of my life wept out as I conceded, broken for the 1st time y opponent too great, I was ready for it to end now, my will shattered, my spite overflowing, how could I not claim victory? In my broken state I looked up into the mirror, gazing in I had an epiphany, my greatest opponent, no my true opponent lay before me, he had always been there, always blocking me, always holding me back, The fight was all I had ever known, and I knew it would keep raging on as my fist broke into the glass.