You lay there, eyes wide open, listening to the voices coming from your tv. Tears streak your face. you know you’re a disappointment. You try to sleep in a room alone. but fear always drives you to the floor of your brother’s room, or the floor of you dad and stepmom’s room. You don’t even know why you do it. You know you have PTSD. And a possible chance of ADHD or Aspergers, but that doesn’t explain it. You stare at you tablet, playing a YouTube video that you don’t care enough about to pay attention to. Your mind drifts to the B. Your first B since first grade. you have definitely noticed your grades beginning to drop, and so had your mom. She confronted you about it and asked you what’s wrong. You tell her you don’t even know. All of a sudden those feelings you thought were forgotten-you thought you were over that state of depression- had just suddenly appeared again. You are determined to spend all night in there, though. You exit out of YouTube and go to Messages, disappointed to see there are no replies from your friend. It is midnight after all. Your anxiety grows.
Next thing you know you wake up on the floor of your brother’s room.
At least you tried.
Narrative Nonfiction
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I don’t think many people will be able to relate to this or understand this, but if you do, know you’re not alone. Just know that there are people out there that are going through the same struggle, if not a harder one.
Please know that feelings such as these are ones that are nearly impossible to find words to describe, but you did so beautifully. The numbing silence of laying there, knowing you need something, but not knowing what it is, is suffocating. I hate this feeling, but I love this.
Thank you so much! I had a hard time writing this, because this is how my life has been for a while now (I am edging towards recovery, I have been sleeping in a room on my own for a few months now. ;)) but it is getting better. Thanks for reading and commenting!