What immediately strikes me about this piece is the way you switch tenses so seamlessly in just a few lines. The first two lines are more concrete; you describe the way dreams behave. Then in the third line “dreams can make you go insane,” is a hypothetical, future tense. It implies possibilities. The last two lines are interesting because of the “if.” We switch from concrete to abstract, and “worked” is past tense. I also appreciate the rhythm of beginning the first three lines with “dreams” and not for the last two. This adds an appealing cadence to the poem. Good work!
What immediately strikes me about this piece is the way you switch tenses so seamlessly in just a few lines. The first two lines are more concrete; you describe the way dreams behave. Then in the third line “dreams can make you go insane,” is a hypothetical, future tense. It implies possibilities. The last two lines are interesting because of the “if.” We switch from concrete to abstract, and “worked” is past tense. I also appreciate the rhythm of beginning the first three lines with “dreams” and not for the last two. This adds an appealing cadence to the poem. Good work!