Your early morning sun
it don’t warm me all that much
and I know you sing
so sweet and clear
but your song don’t reach my ear
there ain’t nothing you can do
and I’ve got nothing more to say
so if you still have a heart
kill the light and leave me dark
just go easy on me today
You know I tried to toe the line
buried my pride deep down in the ground
I tried to leave a thousand times
made it to the door and I turned around
now I’m curled up in the rain
like some dog outside your door
but if you’ll only let me in
I’ll play your game and let you win
just go easy on me today
Take it easy on me baby
or I might just fade away
and we both know I could never leave here
but it’s killing me to stay
Theres an ocean in my dreams
endless water black and cold
I hear voices in the tides
and their hungry for my soul
last night the moon was mad
now today the sun is gray
if the bones I roll are right
might not make it through tonight
so just go easy on me today.
Poetry
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I like this poem. It reminds me of a beat poet. I can imagine this being read in a coffee house/jazz club. I would offer some suggestions. First in the first verse, you say that you “have nothing more to say”, yet you continue “saying” for many more verses. I might try to use that at the end of the poem, to wrap it up. Also, in general, your thoughts seem to be unorganized. Probably because someone in this situation does have jumbled thoughts. But, for the reader, I would suggest taking another look and see if you can organize this so it flows better. Overall, I dig it.
Oh I love this! This is one the best poems I read on the site. It has a nice flow and I can genuinely feel the emotion. I’m sensing a country twang in the poem (maybe just me) but anyway it gives the poem such character. I really have no critique. I love this.