I just wanted to stay caught up in it. I feel that often times there are minutes that pass us by that we pay no mind to, some that we even wish away, but seldom there are a few that we just want to stretch on infinitely. As if we could make up for all the seconds, minutes, and days that we fell asleep wishing they would just sail by while our eyes were closed. These were the few I wanted to last, though. My cheeks were warm with the sun they’d absorbed, and I could almost feel the tingling of my freckles darkening, multiplying. The hand that was in mine, laced between my fingers, felt coarse, strong, and yet gentle. It felt like it was meant to be there, and I had to force my eyes to stay locked on the pavement ahead of me, and my lips pursed into a line, because it had been so long since there was any emotion for me to keep from exploding out of me, shining in my eyes and widening across my face, that I didn’t know what to do with it. It was terrifying, exhilarating; a liberation from a drawl of ennui I’d become accustomed to. What do I do with this?
And as if my own mind were acting against me, I remembered the eyes I was keeping my own from. They’d peered at me, somewhat isolated from the rest of him; his exterior was shy and modest, but I’d said something teasingly, waiting to catch his glance, and when he looked up at me they glinted with wit, almost knowingly. I realized then that blue eyes in themselves weren’t what all the fuss was about, but it was what you do with them, and God, his knew what to do to make me lose all my confidence in my own ability to construct my tempting façade. I guess that’s when it happened, and it’s echoed in my mind since then; Fuck, this is gonna hurt.
It was a giddy, elating realization, like when you buckle in on a roller coaster and think, I could totally die, but what a way to go!
I rubbed my thumb against the back of his hand, and came to, realizing we were here. I embraced my sister, thankful for the familial companionship I’d never really had before, and peeked at him from behind her shoulder. He was staring off into the field behind us, and I wondered if he was giving us the privacy, or if he was thinking the same thing I was.
I watched her walk away and gave myself half a minute to compose myself. Keep your shit together, damnit, because I swear to God if you cry I will never forgive you. He wrapped his arm around me and I nestled my head against his chest, biting my lip because I was so confused. I couldn’t figure out why my throat was in a knot and his body felt perfect against mine and I just thought about how it felt like I was cruising along, so used to trying to shove the wrong puzzle pieces into this empty slot in me, tossing them aside and moving along, that it felt like it didn’t make sense that one would come along that fit right in, even though that was the whole point, right?
I watched him from the reflection in the car window next to us, and felt the warm sensation of tears escaping from my eyes at the realization that that’s what it looked like for someone to not want to let me go. He pulled me back and said all the right things, all the things he was supposed to, and I wanted to say all of those things too, but all I seemed to be able to manage was a broken, “This is hard for me”. Jesus, you’re an idiot. And it was, it is. But it feels better than it hurts, and I think that’s what it’s supposed to be.
Narrative Nonfiction
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Your work was really interesting. I like the diction you used for when the main character described how she felt with their significant other. However, I had a hard time following the story whenever the sister was mentioned. I suggest going back and clearing that up.
So this was a break-up story I’m guessing. It was SO nice to read. Some parts were slightly confusing, but your diction and description are on POINT! My favorite line being, ” I realized then that blue eyes in themselves weren’t what all the fuss was about, but it was what you do with them, and God, his knew what to do to make me lose all my confidence in my own ability to construct my tempting façade.”
After the “God” part, the sentence doesn’t flow as easy, but I love the way you talked about blue eyes because I found truth in the statement. If you could turn this into a fuller story this could be awesome.