Their is a sound in the space between my ears, that I can’t make out. It’s starts off as a ringing, on one side and the rest of the world seems to pause. I grow quiet, unintentionally waiting for something to happen. It only last a couple seconds and disappointment sets in, as if mourning the loss of this mysterious sound. My ears have been more sensitive than usual, but what’s even more strange is what I hear while I m crying. A roaring waterfall comes to life, to loud to ignore and I look around for evidence of it, while the hot streams cascade down my face. Like I dunked my head under water and opened my eyes to see if I was alone. A cold sensation follows me around for the rest of the day and the blissful feeling between my thighs makes me blush in confusion. I don’t recall crying, ever doing this to me before but the middle of my forehead begins to feel like a triggered button and the soles of my feet tingle. No longer alarmed, I let a warming feeling flood the left side of my chest and listen to the settling waters. I m unsure of the sudden change to my body parts but it feels right and today
I ve decided to use them to my advantage. Still surprises me, how much sitting quiet can do. At first I couldnt stand it, as a Brooklyn native, was always on the move. To much to do but my over active heart made me sit here, crawling through the wrinkles of my brain. Just like these lucid dreams, I believe that these sensations are reminders of the focus. I m healing to reflect my choice of transparency. I m surrounded by people I love that have forgotten, that our only responsibility is our happiness. Deciding to leave it all behind in search for my own happiness, sometimes the burden is heavy and it gets a bit lonely. Staying with in the walls of my own mind keeps me from arrogance and that familiar sense of hierarchy we were raised in. I remain busy with my own demons because it’s easier not to judge, I don’t want to contribute to their pain, it ll only make it harder for them to forgive themselves. To take away from their process would not do them justice, I understand they need the memories to hold on to. Until now I kept it secret so the fearful ignorance won’t commit me but I chose to reflect what we are convinced is fairytale. I ll quietly ride the waves within myself and stand still to watch all my walls crumble. Knowing eventually they ll see me in themselves.