April 14th, 2018 11:04 PM
Today, the virtuous sun has relinquished the hope of change that is renewed within a new season’s coming. That hope had seemingly been lost to the despair of the desolate wilderness that is the cold fury of winter’s wrath. Thanks to that change, today was a day of production and within the simplicity of one’s own ability to accomplish the tasks that have been laid before him, a profound sense of accomplishment. Night now casts her long shadow on my world. The hope and change that had enveloped me earlier no long cease to prevent my mind from once again returning to thoughts of her.
A week has passed and still at this very moment, my every existence is predicated on the falsehoods of my belief that she could love me. She, who is the most wonderful person I could not have even dreamt, does not have any knowledge of my feelings towards her. To her, I am still just the friend. Someone that she could be without, without a second glance. The weight of these feelings leave me trapped in an endless cycle of perpetual darkness and despair that is seeming equivalent to enteral night.
I wish to be the type of man that has the ability to turns his dreams into action. I wish to have the courage to accept the consequences of my action. Most of all, I wish that she would feel the same. I wish, I wish, I wish, that is all I do. I must no longer allow myself the continuously rely on the false security of these thoughts. A security that can be construed to any inevitability and that can inevitably continue to occupy my mind.
I am too fearful of the loss of her friendship. However, I fell the it would be impossible for me to continue to remain only her friend, knowing that with every days passing she will continue her life apart from mine. I have found myself paralyzed by my own beliefs. No matter the outcome, the realization that I will someday have to live a life without, reduces my action to a mere wish.
I wish that she would love me, as much as I love her. I wish that she could be comforted by the love that I have inside my heart for her. I wish that we would never spend another day apart, as any day apart would be a day without joy, beauty, purpose, light. I wish, I wish, I wish, that is all I do. That is all I do.
Journalistic Writing
You have this interesting metaphor of the sun signifying hope and the night representing agony for you. You also have this other theme of a deep longing for this woman. It would be great if you tied this metaphor into the end of your piece, or drew a parallel between the woman and the sun and/or you and the night. One of the strengths of your writing is that you express the subjunctive mood of “what could be” very well. I think that you can delve into this idea even more and illustrate what the “consequences” of your professed love would be.
Thank you for your thoughtful insight. I am trying to portray a series of 10 entries as realized through the perspective of the author writing in their journal. I will work on trying to develop those relationships more harmoniously throughout the writings.