Studying for a GED getting nowhere you can see.
Trying my best but distractions are all over the place.
Trying to keep my attention on the page.
Trying my best to become what you
always wanted.
Trying my best to become even half as smart as her.
It’s like I should just give up.
But even then you know me enough.
To now I’m to stubborn to quit.
Even if I only study a few mins a week.
Even then their is no guarantee.
We would have my identity.
It’s like a really don’t exists.
Even to you I’m just a pest.
I sleep very little for a reason.
You see me now awake as can be.
Yet your decided as I’m wide awake.
Light hidden from my writings.
I wish I could sell them maybe them id be something.
Them I could help out like I always wanted.
As you’ve sheltered me from her evilness.
I’m a burden to you I know.
Yet you try to not let it show.
But I see it in your eyes.
Loud as can be takes too much space.
Never learns even on repeat.
When will she learn.
And go back to who I know she could be.
I have the answer.
Your not gonna like it.
The answer is never.
I’m not 9 anymore.
Please understand me.
Even with block memories.
I know bad things happened.
And I don’t want to remember them.
Even at the chance of remembering.
How I know you use to be.
You say I have a shield up.
Then what do you call.
The changes in you.
Your shield is up projected as a cover.
For the weakness inside you.
When you lost all you had.
Tell me this am I even worth it .
If I never sent that email.
And you had seen me.
Would you have told me.
Or would you have left me.
Even though I was 18.
Don’t you think I would of known.
Or do you really think you could hide.
I’m done with this rant please stop trying to teach me when apparently I never learn.
How can I change that.
I’ve been asking that for years.
Trying to change for someone else.
Who had her mind set.
Is it worth it to try again.
Or would you do the same.
And then to change not only how I am but how I have become as they are now both part of me.
Then I would not change a thing.
Look at me get to know me you had to once before so now that I’m grown and you’ve watched me through a camera.
You think you know me all.
Take another look daddy I’m not who you new me to be not that 9 little girl and not that’s drugged up little teen.
I’m fat I’m sorry not smart as you wanted me to be.
Yet here I am yet again trying to show you .
You’ve got me all wrong .
I’m not even sure I’m even making poem anymore.
Could you take a look and read.
But then you’d have to read more than three words.
Can you handle
the poems I wrote or will you cry.
Like I did and I’m the one who wrote it.
Drama
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