"Jesus who??"
Religion should have thanked me for my childhood. No matter how much I tried, they conviced me, I would never be enough. The hair tie on my wrist, confused for a bracelet, would send me to hell. To much lip gloss was a sexual offense and going to the movies was a crime. Wearing pants made me a stud and short skirts would get me preganant. Eventually I picked myself apart until I was ashamed of my own name. I choked on my guilt and cursed the God that created me. I thought life was a set up and a sick twisted game, I didn’t want to play anymore. I crawled in a dark hole with all my mistakes and waited to die. Death rejected me, but I heard the voice that religion should have been teaching me to listen to from the beginning. I know your tired of hearing about my soul but she was the only one that spoke truth. We talk on a daily basis and she taught me that true self expression is with out comparison. That it’s not necessary to defend or convince what’s already true. I don’t need to spend the rest of my life, explaining my strange behavior and trying to make anybody understand how I feel. Truth is only true when it’s experienced. She told me, on this journey, their is only room for our pain and even the closets people will never know how we ve hurt. Listening to her, was one of the hardest things I had to do but my senses came to life and I understood that our opinions, are also so judgements. That freewill gives us the right to our own truth and there is room for every one to have their own perspective. I became aware, that it is our comparison of each other, that gave birth to doubt. That we are not responsible of being the same person we were five minutes ago and their is no wrong or right way to live your life unless it makes you unhappy. Just because I believe in the power of the universe, doesn’t mean I can’t recognize the God in you. I no longer try to memorize the bible but Jesus is still my greatest inspiration. Church taught me to praise him, that he is our savior and through him is how we get to God. My soul showed me otherwise, and i saw that Jesus was an outcast like all of his friends. Nobody listened him and everybody thought he was crazy but he didn’t die for us. He believed so much in the co-creation of humanity that he sacrificed himself because of us. His unconditional love, was in his silence, despite our mistreatment of him. Discovering the balance between his effort and ease is how we truly honor Jesus. Without guilt or blame, his story proves what we are clearly capable of.
Journalistic Writing
I had some similar experiences. When I matured, I realized that most religion is made to make others feel superior. “If you don’t act like we do, then you’re not good enough”. Jesus taught us to love each other despite our faults. Jesus taught us to take the beam from our own eye before trying to remove the mote of our neighbor. Jesus taught us that there is room for everyone at his table. Jesus taught us to love. I dig what you are saying here.
Thank you for sharing! I’m stuck on your first line, “Religion should have thanked me for my childhood”. Does that mean that your childhood was a victim of religion? Or that it was the model childhood for someone who was vulnerable to rejecting it?
Also, I had a hard time identifying “she” as your soul. I’d try to make that a little clearer.
Thanks a bundle for comments and suggestions I do believe it was easier to be victimized as a child but we re all victims to the program until we decide not to be. I didn’t know i was a victim until I realized I had the power not to be! Thanks again for your time!