You asked me to give you the truth. What did you do with it? You judged me. Held it against me. I could have easily just lied to you. You would not have been the wiser.
Serving time in prison is never over. That damned box that indicates i have committed felony in the past. 10 years in isolation chamber. hearing voices. witnessing atrocious acts of man against another for the sake of domination and respect. fear of death and mistreatment. i served my time as punishment. i was released from my corner time out from the over bearing mother. yet here i can not simply learn and do better.
Forced to get a job as proof of rehabilitation. Forced out of a job because the box gives them the right to judge me. ive already been judged. i already served a sentence. who else do i get judged from?
Forced to wear this monitor on my ankle. Forced to pay for it with money from a job i can not acquire. Sure its required and part of punishment due to the crime i committed, but who is more wrong? i might as well risk selling drugs again just to pay to not go to prison for not paying. no one wants to hire a felon. no one wants to pay a felon. better still, those that do, do not have success as an option. endless changing of tires for me.
mistakes made at a young and ambitious age of sixteen. bought weed from a friend. no harm, no foul. another friend wanted what i had, for double what i paid. never knew what ‘too good to be true’ meant. tried as an adult. sentenced to max prison cell for ten years. no education allowed. they said it was a place to reflect. the only thing reflecting is this, now, pulsing a note repeating in my mind. vengeance for over cruelty. i wanna die. just kill me. i would rather die than sit another day in this cold concrete five foot by five foot closet. how long? only a month? nine years and eleven months to go. gotta figure out how to hang myself.
could have just lied. was taught to speak the truth. its the right thing to do. should of just lied.
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