I want to tell myself to give up. The way it is so easy for others to advise me to do. I don’t want to hurt you anymore. But I can feel you so deep in my heart. There can be nothing wrong with how we feel except that we stay apart. I swear it. What I would give to be able to touch your face with my fingers right now. All the things we have done to push the other away. If we only could put equal efforts into pulling each other close. I am so joyous but without you it is a mixed blessing. I just want to share it with you. I want you to know who I am in the way that only you can. I don’t fixate on the past as I did once, but I can’t completely surrender my memory for it is the only space we share. Do you want to be free of me? I remember, baby, and I don’t think you do. Give me your permission to follow my heart, and I will cross any sea just to touch you. Hear me with the same intensity with which you heard all the cruel words before. My aim is true. I want your forever, and I am worth it. I don’t care about right or wrong or compromise or middle ground. You are my bright shining North Star and for all the times I have forsaken you, I know now that I was not ready. I was not spiritually fit, and I would have blown it. Maybe I already have anyway. I am prepared to hear what you tell me not what I want or need to hear. But if you want my heart, I want to surrender it to you, absolutely.
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