My mental disorders take me
to a place far away
so dark I dread waking each day.
I wish I felt different and
wanted to live
I often feel like I have
no more to give
Im sick of the thoughts that
race through my mind
I can not ease them for peace
is hard to find
I live each moment
in constant fear
I am pretty sure the pain
is always near
I want to talk; I have so
much to say
There is no point, because
no one is listening anyway
I am always exhausted,
and so low on energy
I am so tired, yet my mind
races continuously
I worry too much over
things big and small
I have a tendency to just
do nothing at all
Nightmares haunt me
both day and night
Flashbacks bring memories
from each fight
I hate being alone because
I am my own enemy
It is somewhat peaceful, for
no one is yelling at me
So much to do for my
husband and children
I continue to fail them,
so why am I living
I can’t recall what happened
a few days ago
I can’t forget the past
and just let it go
I say “I am sorry” even when
I am not wrong
I always feel guilty, and
have for so long
I feel no need to plan
for a future
My present and past have
been nothing but torture
My river of tears
never runs dry
Not a day passes
that I do not cry
Just when I think I
am unworthy of love
God shines down from
the heavens above
He gives me constant reminders
of why I must stay strong
Even when I am weak and
everything is going wrong
I thank him for my kids;
they are my heroes
Their unconditional love
helps me more than they know
They give me strength when
I can not fight anymore
Because of them, I will win
this thing I call war
They have witnessed so much
of my pain and suffering
I am not alone for they
are also hurting
I continue to look for light
beyond the darkness
I pray for my family to have
strength, love, and happiness
I refuse to stop fighting
these demons inside of me
Until I learn to cope with
depression, anxiety, and PTSD.
Poetry
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