Trapped in your lustful arms.
My heart wants nothing
But to stay.
My mind loved the attention.
But my heart did everything
To push you away.
My eyes would wonder
To your radiant soul.
The love in your light.
My heart too quick to sway.
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I really love the complexity of this poem, and I still trying to wrap my mind around it completely. There is an echo of both passion and doubt. As I understand it, this poem seems to be telling the story of a girl who wants to be wanted and loved but also feels like pursuing a relationship will keep her tied down and put her at risk: “My mind loved the attention. / But my heart did everything, / To push you away.” Moreover, in spite of her inner conflict and the part of her that does not feel ready to commit, the moment the narrator looks closer at her potential partner and recognizes the good with, she cannot help but give into her emotions. In a way, it appears as though she is trying to convince herself that just because he holds her with “lustful arms” does not mean that he is dangerous. Lust is not a crime, and certainly not when it is shown through an individual with a “radiant soul” and a good heart. And yet, she continues to be not totally at ease. From this poem, the readers garners the idea that there is nothing to fear in relations with fire and fervor, especially when the feeling is shared with someone you trust, but also that caution is a part of human nature. Love it!
One thing: I have a suggestion in regards to the grammar of this poem. There are three instances – “…nothing, / But…” and “…everything, / To…” (Lines 5 and 6) and “…wonder, / To…” (Lines 7 and 8) – where you place an unnecessary comma at the end of the line. While I am primarily pointing this out because I am nit-picky, I do suggest that you omit the commas because they do not belong there in a grammatical sense, and even if you just placed them there to emphasize a break or breath, they are still unneeded. The mere line break is substantial enough to insinuate a dramatic pause.
Overall, you did an absolutely stunning job with this poem! It’s a piece that most definitely will be relatable to individuals with a timid, yearning heart.
Thank you so much for your in depth feedback! It was so interesting to see the way your mind interpreted my poem. Also thanks for the suggestions! extremely helpful
Words giving imagery to love wanting and finding love in return, thanks I enjoyed.