When I was a child, I often dreamed of bombs and rivers. The bombs were powerful, making terrible fiery mushrooms in the sky. The rivers were wide, rushing, their white froth singing loudly.
Sometimes, I would also dream of rabbits, counting myself back to sleep on their long, fluffy ears and pale bobbing tails when I woke from dreaming about them.
I’m not sure where the bomb images came from – I think I saw a film once in which a bomb was counting down and, then, the entire world exploded. It was an anxiety dream after that, perhaps. My child-self latched onto the bomb as a symbol, of sorts. I would dream of them too often, and wake up crying for Mom.
Rivers were all around me, growing up – Pop would go fishing and sometimes I’d go and help with the bait. So, this dream made sense to me.
I’m pretty sure that rabbits came from seeing the ones Miss Lister kept in school, and also the beloved cartoon bunnies of childhood. Brer Rabbit and Peter Rabbit, were both favorites of mine. I loved rabbits as a child and would have liked to have one myself. Frolicking with them in dreams, of course, was the next best thing.
When I became a teenager, my nightly visions changed. I would dream of cars, roads, and wide open spaces. In real life, at that time, I got very into cars – I know the difference between automotive bearings and bushings, gear bolts and brake lights, how these many parts can make or break you when you drive. I know what pressure wheel tire is required to maximize speed. I was all about speed at this stage of my life. All I wanted to do was escape.
When I met you, then, it was like a bomb going off. My whole world exploded.
Like a rabbit, I wanted to run away – but you had me caught. It was great, at first, racing together, but then you put me in a cage. I became your pet, a thing to be fed, or neglected, at will.
My teenage dreams came to the fore and I longed, once again, to escape. All I could dream about were those great, grand, welcoming spaces. Eventually, I found a vehicle and speeded away, leaving you behind with the empty cage and your own broken dreams.
Sorry, but I never dreamed of love; only of the open road, leading to the river. I sit at its side now and watch it flow, faster than life, my rabbit ears twitching; and rarely, if ever, do I think back to you.
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