Panic
By: Gen1900
My feet traversed down the cold, wood stairs with my hands on the banister for support. It was pitch black on the first floor of my home.
Didn’t I leave the light on for husband, Patrick ? I thought.
An icy wind brushed past my cheek as I neared the hallway. The front door was open . . .
I held my breath to not let an once of sound escape me.
My body jumped back in horror as lightning flashed and soon enough a loud boom followed.
Just a storm . . . just a storm . . .
As I went to go close the door, a black figure appeared on the front porch.
I began to ran from it, but somehow it caught up with me and yanked me toward it.
I produced a high pitched scream, ” PATRICK!!!!!!!!!!!”
It was too late . . . it was already dragging me from my home and under the storm.
A hand covered my mouth with such force that my teeth started to bleed. It placed a bag over my head and shoved me into a trunk of a car.
Can’t breathe!
After what seemed like days, I heard a creak. Then the bag was taken off my head.
Patrick stood before me . . . wearing a black coat.
” Well, darling, . . . how did you enjoy the trip?”
I watched him in panic.
“Don’t be afraid it’s only me, sweetheart.”
I managed to spit out, ” Why are you doing this to me?”
“Simple, I’m tired of you being in my life. I don’t want you controlling me, DARLING. So . . . I thought getting rid of my wife might be okay. The police won’t catch me, you know, since I’m on the force myself.”
I felt tears streaming down my face.
Help . . . Lord . . . help!
He moved toward me with a piece of rope coiled around his wrist.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart, it’ll just hurt a little.”
It went over my neck and that was it . . . he carried out his plan. It would be months later before they found me in the ditch of Highway 9.
Drama
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Wow. That was a short and powerful piece. I’m left here utterly uncomfortable– as the great Cesar A. Cruz once said, “Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.”
Suggestions:
-Try to rephrase the line where she first introduces Patrick as her husband so the parenthesis are no longer required.
-Was it her teeth bleeding or her gums, lips?
-I really want to know his side of the story. When did Patrick snap? Why? How come she hasn’t noticed? What ways can you lengthen the story so the reader is informed without being confused?
Really chilling piece to read. Well done!
Michelle R.
Really unexpected twist! It’s such a powerful piece!
Thank you very much!