Paranoid~ Billy J Barnard
When you laugh as I walk by, you are laughing at me.
When you laugh as I enter the room, you are laughing at me.
When you whisper, you are whispering about me.
I won’t be invited to the party.
You are going posting those embarrassing pictures of me.
I must have done something wrong.
Girl’s night out, I know you are flirting with other men.
Guy’s night out, I know you are flirting with other women.
You had a dream and I did something wrong.
You are staring at me.
Is there a stain on my shirt?
Is my hair a mess?
I am too fat.
I am too thin.
I am too short
I am too tall.
I am too, too, too…
I am the wrong color.
Something about me doesn’t measure up.
That police car is following me.
The person knocking on the door is here for me.
You are judging me.
I must have done something terrible.
Everyone hates me.
God is mad at me.
If I die, I won’t go to heaven.
Poetry
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This is an absolutely enthralling poem about the internal struggle of self-acceptance as well as being accepted by others! I believe that a great deal of people could relate to this poem and step into the shoes of the narrator. To clarify, there are several sentences that are relatively simple yet also are prominent, comparable, and impactful: “I am not fat,” “I am too thin,” “I am too short,” “I am too tall,” and “I am too, too, too…” perfectly encompasses the mindset of individuals who are coping with insecurities. Continuously, they search for and notice their imperfections rather than reflect on the positives of their physical being and/or personality. You further reinforce this behavior with lines such as “I must have done something wrong” and “Something about me doesn’t measure up,” conveying how paranoia can compel people to doubt and deem themselves flawed and unworthy of respect. All in all, irrefutably, you captured the distressing viewpoint of an individual who has been dominated by irrational thought, and the emotion within this poem is strong enough to cause the reader to feel that paranoia – perhaps even experience it a bit – as well.
The only errors that I see are that there are periods missing at the end of lines 15 or 20. Seeing that essentially every sentence ends with a period, I am assuming that your intent was to maintain this pattern throughout the poem, so I thought I should point it out. Also, although I love the last sentence because it is stimulating and shocking, I don’t believe that it accurately wraps up the poem. Indeed, it provides the reader with that necessary final punch, but it does not quite project the theme of paranoia in its entirely. I wish that you had included another sentence or two that explicitly confirm that the narrator is ashamed of him or herself. For example:
“I will never, ever be good enough.
No matter what I do, I will always be the same – defective, gross, an outsider.”
Implementing something along the lines of this would help conclude the poem in a manner that’s not only stinging and full of anguish, but also it represents exactly what the poem is all about.
Nevertheless, overall, this poem is incredibly well-constructed, engrossing, and meaningful. A job well done, sir!
Thank you so much for the comment and the constructive criticism. I have reworked the poem using your suggestions.
I appreciate this immensely. It gives a voice to the crippling insecurities experienced by people the world over in their day-to-day interactions. How you managed to put this into words and make the meaning so clear astounds me. I also appreciate the directness of this poem. It’s both blaming these invisible abusers and blaming the narrator. It’s extremely relatable.
I loved the slow progression from minor insecurities to deeply, spiritual anxiety. The last line was a doozy. I would say that there should be more of a leadup to such an intense emotion, like an increasing sense of despair or an existential idea. It would make the transition from small doubts to large worries seem more monumental.
Thank you for the comment. I have reworked the poem using your suggestions.