“Here I go…I’m really gonna do it!” She screamed, knees bent, grasping the rope between her tiny hands.
“You’ve been saying that for the last five minutes! The longer you wait the worse it is!” He laughed back at her, already waist deep in the water.
He’d brought her here to this supposedly secret rope swing in the woods beside a relatively deep river. She usually wasn’t such a baby when it came to stuff like this, but it had been a while since she’d done anything like this and the tree hung right below her. She could see it now: jumping and swinging right into the tree.
“Okay fine fine, give me a countdown.”
He beamed up at her.
“One…two…THREE!”
She closed her eyes, let out a little shriek and jumped to the side. She felt herself soar a little to the right and then jerk back all of the sudden.
Sure enough, the rope had caught onto one of the steps on the trunk of the tree she had jumped from, causing the rope to rip back, and her to fall into the shallow water right beneath the tree. She wanted to feel humiliated-no, she definitely DID feel humiliated-but she knew it must’ve looked hilarious.
He bent over in hysterics as she pouted up at him, kneeled in the shallow end covered in sand.
“I knew it! I knew it. I’m not at all surprised.”
He just continued to laugh at her as he approached her, helping her up. He gave her a sympathetic hug, and as she rested her head on his chest and he wrapped his cold, wet arms around her, she could feel his chest shaking with suppressed laughter.
“Are you okay?” He asked through a smile, pulling back to look down at her.
“Yeah, I mean, what is life without a few near death experiences? Though I’ll never live down the embarrassment.” She joked with him, giving his arm a playful punch.
“No, it was really beautiful. Funny, and not your most graceful moment, but beautiful.”
She felt her cheeks flush.
He looked at her a moment longer, and his wide smiled slowly melted into something soft, and gentle. He cupped her cheek in his hand, and just kissed her. It felt so natural, like they’d done it a hundred times, but it was different from any other kiss she had ever experience. It was warm, passionate and gentle, but also powerful. He held the kiss for a moment longer before pulling away, smiling down at her and demanding she try again.
From an outside perspective, it probably looked like a peculiar moment for a first kiss, especially after knowing each other for as long as they did, but it was perfect and it was just like him. Perhaps he did it because he felt bad for her for making herself look like a fool, or perhaps he really did find it beautiful. “Graceful clumsiness” he’d called it.
After successfully swinging a few times after, he gave her another quick peck on the lips and told her to follow him to his favorite part. They swam a few feet away until it got too shallow to do so, and then stood and walked to the stream. They sat where the rocks were soft and mossy, and felt the river hurry past them, watching it stumble downhill and over many rocks before disappearing around the bend.
They sat there in silence, taking it the warmth and peacefulness of the moment. That was the thing about him-he made silence comfortable and relaxing. They could spend a whole car ride listening to music and feeling the breeze on their cheeks without feeling uncomfortable. She liked that they didn’t need constant conversation to fill the space around them; each others company was enough.
Before she could overthink it, she said it.
“I’m glad you kissed me.”
She squinted up at him, smiling at his face, light dancing off the water on his skin.
He looked down at her, eyes soft with kindness and humor, pleased with her comment.
“So am I. It was long overdue. I thought about doing it a hundred times before, but in that moment it just felt like the universe was telling me to.”
His answer pleased her, and she let herself lay back and relax on the rocks. She placed her palms up towards the sky, enjoying the feeling of the river speeding through her fingers like wind, and the sun beaming down on her, browning her skin and causing her freckles to multiply.
She felt whole in that moment. She wasn’t sad, bitter, mad or broken. She didn’t miss anyone and she didn’t worry about anything. She didn’t have places to be or things to do. For the first time in a very, very long time, she felt content. She didn’t feel separate from the water surrounding her, streaming through her hair and around her fingers, the wind whispering through the trees, or the crane that stood calmly a few feet away, dipping it’s beak in the water every now and then.
She felt thankful, and relished in the fact that the ball in her throat and the weight on her chest had long since been gone. She thought maybe she should, but she didn’t feel guilty for being happy so soon after him. She thought this is what she deserved-a man who kissed her because he felt the entire universe demanded him to do so.
She felt infinite, and peaceful; a different happy whose existence she had thought to cliché to exist.
She didn’t know if it was because of the man next to her or if it was because of the moment she was in. She just knew that she didn’t want it to end; she wanted to feel this way, always.
WRITTEN BY: GRACE RILEY
Realistic Fiction
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Rope swings for me conjure up really fun, adventurous moments with friends and family, so I especially liked your topic. I must express that it should be clear in the story that the water is sufficiently deep (even in the shallow part) and that although it’s risky, there is no danger. I knew of a girl who was paralyzed from jumping in a shallow creek, so I wouldn’t want your reader to dread the topic because of painful memories. That’s why in the part where she falls into the shallow part perhaps you might want to elaborate on her condition (a scratch or anything/nothing) and the depth of the water instead of only the embarrassment she faces. Overall is a pretty playful story that could be attributed to a young couple, or friends later in life. At the very end you do say he is a “man” so that clarifies things some, but maybe give some background info toward the beginning of the characters along with the great setting that you’ve described.
Here are some notes:
The repetition of ‘like this’ could be improved with:
1. She usually wasn’t such a baby when it came to stuff like this, but it had been a while since she’d done anything [so adventurous] ..or.. [that required such an act of courage]
2. In this, because you say it’s a ‘countdown’ perhaps make the numbers go in reserve order: three, two, ONE!
“Okay fine fine, give me a countdown.”
He beamed up at her.
“One…two…THREE!”
3. She closed her eyes, let out a little shriek and jumped to the side. She felt herself soar a little to the right and then jerk back all of the sudden.
I liked this part because she shrieks even before she jumps which let’s the reader know the character is a bit dramatic.
4. I think the structure/punctuation could be improved here:
She wanted to feel humiliated-no, she definitely DID feel humiliated-but she knew it must’ve looked hilarious.
[Did she want to feel humiliated, no way. DID she feel humiliated, absolutely, and] she knew it must’ve looked hilarious.
Or something else, but in any case the dash/hyphen doesn’t work.
5. [near-death] experiences
6. In order to attribute the quote, it must end in a comma (unless it’s a ? or !) and lowercase the first letter follwoin.
Though I’ll never live down the embarrassment [,] ” [s]he joked with him, giving his arm a playful punch.
7. It’s not clear to me how long they go back, are they childhood friends or just met each other? It could actually go either way, even though I feel like you’re saying they go way back, others might be confused.
From an outside perspective, it probably looked like a peculiar moment for a first kiss, especially after knowing each other for as long as they did
8. After the first attempt at jumping in being so hyped I feel that the second attempt was glossed over and wasn’t really that important. Even though the rope swing triumph could distract from the embarrassment factor, I think it’s crucial her successful jump is described more in detail. And it seems like they both are jumping, but that isn’t clear.
After successfully swinging a few times after, he gave her another quick peck on the lips and told her to follow him to his favorite part.
9. This was really great imagery! Nice work
sun beaming down on her, browning her skin and causing her freckles to multiply.
10. There is a colon needed here instead of the hyphen because it’s sort of an answer to the preceding part if that makes sense. It could be that you’re trying to make an Em dash (—) which is some cases is acceptable as well and might be better for the aesthetic you’re trying to create.
She thought this is what she deserved [:] a man who kissed her because he felt the entire universe demanded him to do so.
She thought this is what she deserved [—] a man who kissed her because he felt the entire universe demanded him to do so.
11. I like this sentence a lot and think it has a powerful message, but it becomes slightly convoluted at the end. I understand what your expressing: ‘thought it only existed in fairy tales’ idea, but I think you could reword it and make it sound more fluid.
She felt infinite, and peaceful; a different happy whose existence she had thought to cliché to exist.
Great storytelling over all, don’t hesitate to include more details! I look forward to reading more work from you.