Chapter 1
Realization of Fear
Craig Edwards sat on his folding chair on the patio of his recently ruined frat house. The party last night had been a full on rager and he was feeling the effects of a brutal hangover. Heat and sunlight from an already blazing New Orleans summer were not helping matters either. The only reason he was outside right now was because the cable had gone out and most of the time in this city was way more interesting than anything on cable anyway. And since he and his frat brothers were poor college kids, the tv gave off that static black and white glow and white noise. Craig had grown accustomed to that growing up and it actually served to soothe him today. He felt like a zombie and he could relate to the behavior right now. All the symptoms were there… blank stare, mouth slightly agape, low guttural moan whenever asked a question or engaged in the slightest hint of conversation, equilibrium off kilter causing a walk resembling that of someone in rare form on
Bourbon Street
. His brothers were all still passed out or attempting a wake up while simultaneously drifting in and out of consciousness. Matt Gambling seemed particulary odd this afternoon considering he was staring at the static. Craig debunked the oddness due to the large amount of pot Matt had smoked for his daily wake and bake. Potheads amused him but in this case, he would take anything to get rid of the pain. He got up to take a walk to Rite Aid but before he could get far something else struck him as seriously odd. The Quiet…
It was a beautiful fall day in New Orleans but there wasn’t a soul in sight. Clear sky, sun shining, perfect temperature of 68, and a nice breeze made for some beautiful outside adventure weather, but the bears of Nola seemed to be hibernating today. Even if it was Sunday and typically a day where 90 percent of this area were still sleeping off hangovers, he had a really bad feeling that something was up. And it wasn’t the economy or the stock market. In a city where loud brass bands and funky jazz overpopulated the air and invaded eardrums, this silence was deafening and way to eery for him to bare. He decided to walk anyway and that’s when he saw what made this day even stranger. If that was even possible at this point…
A Buddhist monk…
Standing in the middle of the street…
Staring right back at him…
Craig had a feeling shit was about to get real and just then it happened.
The static on the old school television switched off and a warning message sounding something like the emergency broadcast system he normally heard on the radio began to play…
“Goddamn I’m hungry.”
Maybe the monk wants lunch…
General
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Well, that certainly took an abrupt turn! I am definitely curious as to what the significance of the monk is, and how his presence in New Orleans has caused the hustle and bustle to suddenly cease. I think that you have a really good knack for description; the way that you described the environment of New Orleans was very atmospheric and captivating. Also, I am already getting a sense of Craig’s character and his background, which is great considering that this chapter is so short. The quicker the reader gets a taste for the main character(s) of your story, the more likely that they will get invested.
My main dislike in relations to this first chapter is that (towards) the ending is a bit… cliché? Honestly, I really enjoyed the beginning, but the whole “he had a bad feeling” element did not settle right with me – maybe because is a really overused technique when it comes to foreshadowing. In my opinion, I think that you can build up to the monk’s introduction in a much more inventive and innovative way. For instance, you talk a lot about “The Quiet” and how it is unusual for New Orleans to be so desolate even for a Sunday morning. That detail alone was enough to give the reader a kind of foreboding feeling – to give him or her a sense that something is about to happen that is strange and bizarre. If you want to roll ever further with the theme of absence, perhaps you can talk about how it almost feels like people are trying to avoid or stay away from something – or someone. BAM! That indicates to the reader that sooner rather than later, someone is going to show up, and that someone is going to be quite influential.
Still, I think that, overall, this was a very solid start to what’s going to be a thrilling adventure!