I trust individuals can change. They can desire to become someone they’ve been longing to be. But it takes more than just talking about it, as they say, “Actions speak louder than words.”
You used to love me, easily. I knew because I loved you more and I understood. Questioning your affection for me was something I’ve never done until one night. I felt you suddenly moving on while I was holding on for dear life. “Where are you going?”, I asked. I couldn’t fathom why you were leaving, it just didn’t make sense. “I’m leaving, I’m leaving you, us.”, he said. My heart sank, it sank to the bottom of the ocean. The words I’d thought I never hear. “I can’t handle this any longer, I can’t keep wondering if you’re in love with me or him… When you’re ready to accept who you love, that’s when I’ll know if it’s worth it to wait..” It didn’t make sense to me why he would say that when I would shower him with “I love you’s” and prove my actions. How can he wonder who I love? Am I truly torn between two individuals? He left me speechless, not because I agreed but I couldn’t believe he refused to understand that I needed him.. “But.. you… You can’t just leave, you don’t know how much you mean to me. He doesn’t matter, I haven’t thought about him since you came back, please Jake. It’s breaking me apart already.” And in this moment I knew that he gave up and there was nothing I can say anymore. I always asked myself why he would never leave me alone, why he always tried to come back and ruin everything for me… You don’t like me, you don’t need me, what’s your purpose? How many times can I confront him?
You can sit there and torture yourself as much as you want but you won’t figure out why all of a sudden it went wrong. In a matter of seconds how things turned upside down, but you’ll never understand because that is the way relationships are built. Unspoken words that lead to restless thoughts.
Time went on, and she constantly caught herself thinking about Jake. Continuously checked his social media’s and wondered if he was happy without her. No matter how many times everyone tried telling her, “ move on, he’s not worth it”, she thought differently. What they had was special despite the way they ended. It all began at a wedding and ever since then she plays that over and over again wishing they never met. It began 3 years ago… It was the first time seeing each other obviously, and oh boy did he notice her. Anastasia of course, insecure and bossy at the same time kept a front. She caught him staring and wanted to know who he was immediately. Doing what she does best, she found out who he is, in which they confronted each other and she found him obnoxious. Before he knew her name, he called her “purple.” The story behind that name is the dress she was wearing. Let me tell you, it wasn’t a cute dress either so she got lucky. Ever since that night he kept her in his mind and waited for a day to come where he can finally talk to her. As time went on, she got in and out of relationships although she kept one boy in her heart and held on to him for the longest time waiting for him. She knew him since middle school and now they attend the same high school. He, Zack, never felt the same way even though everyone thought differently. Every time Anastasia was learning to move on he would come back and make sure she never did. She tried and tried for many years, since middle school. She always wondered and waited for someone to come along so she can learn to finally get over her feelings and without worrying about him ruining things.
Let me tell you guys something, don’t wait for someone who plays the game especially when that person in front of you feels strongly towards you because that person will soon learn to let go, forever. Then you will catch yourself wondering why you don’t have them anymore.
You weren’t strong enough to keep it together and running away from your problems was the only option you had left. Sometimes I wonder why God brings two people together and rips them apart. Relationships aren’t easy and whoever tells you they are, clearly they don’t know what they are talking about.
Biography
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This writing is really strong and emotional! Have you tried separating the dialogue in the first big paragraph by speaker? It would make things a little less confusing for the reader.
Thank you ! and What do you mean by that if you don’t mind showing?
So when the speaker changes, you can start a new paragraph. So instead of something like this:
Bob said, “I’m moving to California.” Mary was in shock. Bob had always lived on the East Coast. “You have no business moving to California,” she said. “You’ll hate it there!” “Maybe, but there are a lot of jobs there,” Bob said.
Becomes this:
Bob said, “I’m moving to California.”
Mary was in shock. Bob had always lived on the east coast. “You have no business moving to California,” she said. “You’ll hate it there!”
“Maybe. but there are a lot of jobs there,” Bob said.
By making new paragraphs every time the speaker changes, the change is clearer and the reader can follow it faster. Does that help? I know it’s a silly example…
I confess I am a bit confused by the switching of perspective in this tale. There is a lot of shifting between first person (“I did the thing”) to second (“She does the thing”) to third (“She did the thing”) which is fairly common in perhaps a first draft of a story, but one perspective needs to be established and maintained so that the reader doesn’t have to calculate the shift every time they read a new line. Easy editing fix and each perspective is valid. Second person is under-utilized, but can be very compelling if done right. Try to read the story aloud to see which captures your own sense of urgency about the story.
From what I gather, the girl is Anastasia. She seems to have a tonne of confidence, can confront people who are staring at her, no problem. She meets Jake at a wedding and they hit it off, becoming a couple? But then there’s a breakup and she’s sad about it and then becomes sort of weirdly co-dependent on men for her own sense of identity.
Where does Zack come in? And what’s all this about middle school? I got the idea from the opening sequence that these two were probably young adults (older than high school) especially if they met at a wedding. Perhaps you could meet someone at a wedding if you were a younger person but I don’t feel like a real connection could be made inside a few hours at a reception (when you’re what, 12-13?) that could be maintained over years and years without more contact.
So some more focus on Anastasia’s interior changes could be beneficial, as well as picking what voice you want (first, second, or third), AND jperez’s excellent suggestion about line breaks for dialogue– all would make this easier to read and get your point across!