“Whats your name private? ” asked a lieutenant
Just getting of the air craft carrier, “luke Bennett Sir”!
Saluting with my right hand, he said ” i see you have ambition ”
“But, in the battlefield more grit is needed for every mission ”
Nodding saying ” yes sir im much aware of the statistics
And very much ready, just state my business”
A grin peeked out the cornor of the high ranking soldier.
“And thats why your here; New York”. As buildings crash like boulders.
“Bennett im afraid to tell you there arn’t what media says”,
Bennett fixated now. ” that was just a protective way
Imagine if the people found out they weren’t terrorists ”
Bennett than said. “What do you mean, how fair is this?
To say that there not terrorists, or arr we fighting the North Koreans” ?
“Maybe”. Lieutenant answered. “maybe even the thick skinned Russians”.
Bennett that stated. “the media said they could be Muslim”
Lieutenant bewildered. Look that dont matter we all look dumb
Its wrong yes, but now is not the right time to question
But with preparations and fire power, we will complete the mission”.
Bennett looking around as buldings plumit and crash.
With the aftermath of bombs how time went by fast
Anf blasts of missles on the eastern shorelines
Bodys with bits of flesh scattered and mayhem all combined
“This is World War 3 boy, and the U. S stands in the middle
Today you not all small in height nor stature so little
For today your grown and built ready for combat
Forget the media and forget the shallow facts
Because your a soldier , 18 years old but with the soul of man
keep that in mind” as he patted my back and left.
All of this happening so quick i stare up for moments breath
The sounds of chaos were no longer to be wittensed
As i grabed my military bag of medic supplies plus Adreline filled syringes
Yes im a soldier both trained as a medic
Wishing this was a movie and eager for the credits
But this is reality as the United States prepare for war
From an Unknown enemy, lets silence there roar
Because they plan to devour every stone and material
And so my soul is man, but that is yet to be ridiculed .
Poetry
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I think I understand where you are going with this piece, but it is hard to understand because of the grammatical errors, misspellings, and word omissions. This has potential to be a really strong piece if you try to clean it up so that it’s easily readable. When readers have to try too hard to see through the mistakes, you lose their attention and they lose your meaning.
Thank you for your comment AEParker007. Im super new to writing and super young. Im only nineteen and would love to know how to better myself and my errors to help become a stronger writer overall. Any opinions?
I am full of opinions, haha. The most important thing I can tell you is to just keep writing. If you’re new to putting your thoughts down on paper, the best thing you can do is practice. It is not all going to be golden, but the important thing is that you made it and you have a baseline for improvement.
There are some basic copyediting-type errors I see, such as misspellings (“off” not “of,” line 2, “you’re” not “your,” line 27), not capitalizing a word (“luke Bennett Sir” –> “Luke Bennett, sir!”), um..this: “Bennett im afraid to tell you there arn’t what media says”, (I think it might be “Bennett, I’m afraid to tell you, it isn’t like the media says,”)– right now it reads “there are not what media says” which doesn’t make sense. Similarly, (Bennett that stated. “the media said they could be Muslim” / Lieutenant bewildered.) should probably be, Bennett then stated, “The media said they could be Muslim.” / The Lieutenant looked bewildered.
It’s just things like that. Sometimes misspelling for the sake of conveying tone is okay though, as in your line 18, “Look, that don’t matter”– that is sometimes how people speak, and then it’s okay to break the grammar rules. Practice will teach you when it’s worth it to do so.
What program do you use to write this up for NoahWriting? If you put it in Word (Google Docs has Word, for free, you don’t need proper Microsoft Office) the built-in spell checker will really help if spelling isn’t your strong suit. If you happen to have MS Office, I think the licensed version of Word has a grammar assistant as well.
I don’t know any writers who are not also wide readers. So read as much as you can. It will help you in ways you don’t even realize yet.
Above all else, practice, practice! Your thoughts and ideas and perceptions are valuable to us as a writing community and to our human culture!
AEParker007 thank you with all the mental you’ve shared with me. I will continue to practice everyday and hopefully part 2 wont will be step foward.