"Souls Are Real"
by RBB1010
Spiritual beings we are
Yes with flesh and bones
Blood, hair, and arteries
Yet feelings, personalities,
attitudes ..different from anyone
Souls we all have
No not seen, but there
Just as sure as the parts you see
Souls are real
Mankind from the beginning
Sought to fulfill this invisible
Inner spiritual part
The soul hungry to worship
Parched to seek
Something or someone
To fill this empty within
Some looked to the sun
Others the stars their God
A real soul feeling undone
Some men statutes
Those who in nature
The clouds, moon, other attributes
Believe it or not, spiritual
We are as God created
God also whom a spiritual being
Us spiritual He made
The longing inside to worship
For Him was meant
He wants to dwell in your real soul!!
Poetry
5 Comments on “Souls Are Real”
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I like how this poem almost explains a soul — it’s almost got a narrative. Is there any way you could break it up into stanzas to keep your points separate and help the reader from getting lost? I see lots of natural breaks here, like between “Souls are real” and “Mankind from the beginning”.
I should have ..your right, thanks.
I liked this until the end, until it dropped off into evangelical rhetoric. And I do mean dropped. That’s my only comment on this is that this important truth needs to be ushered in, slowly, letting it blossom. You built up the existence of the soul through describing where it is (Not seen but there) like personality. You then led us into what everyone feels: an emptiness. What do they fill it with? You answer, the sun or the stars, but you’re still building up that 1) the soul is real and 2) it is searching (parched…I love that). The grammar is fuzzy in lines 21-25 but the meaning struggles through. So now the soul exists, it searches, then suddenly God.
In a future version of this, you might consider bringing in where does the soul come from? The cry of every human is “Why am I here” which includes the unspoken, “Who put me here?” That might be a slower, more natural way to bring God into the poem. Dropping “we were made to worship” and “He wants to dwell in your soul” is harsh, compared to the rest of the poem.
The inversion of some of the closing lines is a bit distracting, as you didn’t do it anywhere else (i.e. “Us spiritual He made” and “For Him was meant”)
Also, no matter how excited you are about the truth of the final line, watch your exclamation points. They don’t add to your argument.
This poem is really good and deserves some TLC to bring out more of its beauty.
* Correction: You do the line inversion throughout (I was really focused on that last part, sorry) but for some reason it’s really distracting at the end. I dunno. Unless you really think it adds something to your work, I’d have the words flow as they’d be spoken.
Hey thanks, I know your probably right and thanks for helping me, my grammar has always been some less than what it should be.