Sparker’s True Foe
After a hectic interview with a hectic guy who wrote a hectic article about something hectic that isn’t even true, a rivalry has been officially “sparked”, and now with the help of Gerry, publicized.
This author wrote a long article about how the New York Yankees plan on firing Sparker from the team, even though they never even hinted at unloading the hero. His essay contained numerous spelling and grammatical errors, symbolizing his frivolity when he writes.
But his biggest mistake of all is he used a fake quote from legendary commentator John Sterling without his permission. John Sterling even confirmed this in an interview a while ago. He specifically said “All I can say is, it is SO obvious that the Yankees wouldn’t trade Sparker that I don’t know why this person would even write something about this. I would say that if baseball legends were represented as countries, and the size of the country depends on how much the legend contributes to the team, then Sparker’s country would be the area of Jeter’s, Rivera’s and Ruth’s countries combined, while still leaving room for Mickey Mantle. And Aaron Judge.”
This mysterious man has insulted Sparker many times during an interview that took place the day that the article you’re reading right now was written. He called Sparker a “thing” and he stated multiple times that he is “not real” and “a stuffed dog with no brain” and how “Sparker’s owner is definitely smarter than Sparker”.
Here is a note from Gerry Kramer himself explaining the end of the interview:
“In order to defend Sparker, I told the author that he should “explain that to Warren”. Have any of you ever owned Cabbage Patch Kids? Well, okay, so for, like, the two of you that have, Warren is a Cabbage Patch Kid. And he really ISN’T real! He can’t walk, he can’t talk (whenever he “talks”, his owner moves his mouth and his vocal cords are vibrating) and he DEFINITELY can’t help the Yankees! Then this author was so stubborn about this that he started an argument with me. Later it got so out of control the police had to break us apart. I explained the situation to them, and they let me off the hook while the author was taken to court for trial. He was arrested that day for assaulting a fifteen-year-old and publishing false facts to the world. He is now suing the Yankees. We’ll see what happens.”
As Gerry explained, Gerry was let off the hook by the police and by court, while the mysterious author was taken for trial, arrested for crime, and he is now suing the Yankees. The futures of Sparker, this mysterious author, the Yankees and Gerry Kramer are in the hands of Sparker’s creator: Lanny Poffo.