Terminal Son
To my knowledge, Marshall had a normal childhood and young adulthood. He went to college, fell in love, got married.
As expected two children were born. First, a son, Jeff, and five years later, a daughter Karen. Their family was complete. Bliss did not last, both cheated and then the divorce came.
Marshall remarried to a selfish, uncaring woman, who wanted nothing to do with Jeff. He was a teen and troubled. Karen on the other hand, was Daddy’s favorite and welcomed to spend time with the new couple and the stepmother’s family. Danilynn, Jeff and Karen’s mother, remarried a wealthy, despicable man, who would later serve time in jail. He also did not have much use or time for Jeff, and Jeff was pretty much left to fend for himself at the age of 16. Unfortunately several years later, Danilynn would pass from breast cancer, leaving another big hole in Jeff’s heart.
Jeff would forever be grateful to the friends and their parents who provided support, food and a place to stay through those really hard years. As expected, as the children reached adulthood, the relationship with Marshall and his step family was strained at best. Jeff grew tired of the wicked stepmother, Zilla who belittled him at every chance she got. Mitchell always took the side of his wife so as to not make waves in their relationship. Even adult friends of the family could not understand Marshall’s lack of Fathering.
Jeff wandered from job to job, but he did have a talent for cooking. Working in various restaurants in his area, and sharing apartments with 3 other friends. These were the people that made up his family now. But then, Jeff met “the girl”.
Lorraine was a beautiful single parent working for a major cell phone company. She had a three year old son named Vincent. She lived with her mother, her sister and Grandma lived next door.
Jeff really wasn’t into kids, having not really been around many, but he fell hard for Lorraine. Something else that just amazed him, was the closeness of this little family. They worked as one unit. What one had, the rest got. What really shocked him is they all seemed to really like each other, and care about each other, each one putting the other before themselves. This was something Jeff had not seen much of at all.
So the wedding was planned. It was going to be in a major venue, a two day affair, with most of the bells and whistles. Of course Mother of the bride was very involved, she acted as the coordinator. Sister, Lucy was Maid of Honor, Vincent was the ring bearer, and cousin of the Bride was the officiant. Lorrianes family showed up in full force, with relatives coming from across the country. It was the first time in over 30 years that their entire clan was together. Of course, the Mother of the Bride footed the bill for this extravagance.
Jeff’s family, who had been less than enthusiastic about this entire affair, did show up. They even went as far to buy 3 pizzas for the rehearsal dinner. Makes sense, 13 people, 3 pizzas. Well, at least they honored the tradition of the groom’s family paying for the rehearsal dinner.
At the ceremony itself, Zilla decided to sit in the chair that was clearly marked in Memory of Danilynn. There was even a rose laying across the chair. Zilla picked it up as it was hers and settled into the seat. Maggy, Mother of the Bride, had no problem telling her to get her butt of out of the chair. Marshall and Zilla were also highly insulted that they were not announced at the beginning of the reception. They took no part in the planning, they did not interact with any the evening before, and no one saw them after the reception. They came, they ate, and they were gone. On the other hand, Lorrianes family, the six of them headed over to Disney for a honeymoon week’s vacation, staying at Animal Kingdom. Mom paid that one too.
Now about ten years pass. Marshall and Grazilla have moved about 1500 miles away. Away from where his family is, but right next to Zilla’s. Jeff has had minimal contact with his parent. Life has been hard on the small family. Lucy lives with them to help with the bills. Zilla still thinks Jeff is worthless, and can’t do anything right. Jeff declines her invitation for facebook because he knows it would just give her more chances to tell him what a waste he is.
Sometime in the beginning of their marriage, Zilla decided that Lorraine was not welcome in her home. That meant that Marshall didnt speak to his daughter in law. To this day we do not know why. With the minimal contact she had with the family she didn’t know what she could have done. The family itself explains themselves as “Complicated”. Personally I think they are all nuts.
We change, we grow, Mike has entered the picture after getting married to Maggy. Vincent has grown into a young man with thoughts of law enforcement for the future. Unfortunately, Grandma has gone to heaven to be with her husband. We are not even over the grief from the loss of her, when the family has the floor drop out from under them. Jeff has been feeling poorly for more than a few weeks now. The news shocked us beyond words. He is brought to the ER at their local hospital. Jeff is in end stage renal failure.
After reeling from this news and getting used to the new lifestyle and the dialysis and Doctors several times a week. Jeff calls his Father with the news. Zilla answers the phone and when Jeff tells her, he is met by “Don’t go asking for a kidney from your Father”. Dear old Dad’s response was not much different. There was no, How can I help you, or What can I do, or even simply I love you and I am here for you. Nope, Jeff had the soul crushing reply of “sorry about that kid, not much we can do about it.”
They plod through the next few years, with Lorriane going above and beyond in the care and protection of her husband. They live on practically nothing, skrimping at every corner. Mike and Maggy gave cash, paid their rent, gave them a car, helped with bills as much as they could. In year three, Jeff’s health really started to go down. This poor man had suffered several heart attacks, degeneration of bone and muscle, heart failure. A loss of weight of over 150 lbs, COPD, and so many other things. And Lorriane kept him going, she never gave up and never gave in. He was 38 years old and looked 70. And Marshall? He limited his short calls to a few a year. And after each call, Jeff got off the phone being sad or angry or both. Never once, in three and a half years, could he make a visit to his terminal son. Several times Lorraine saw tears in Jeff’s eyes after a talk with his father. She never let him know she noticed. Lorriane had sent messages through Karen about how Jeff was doing, but she never got a reply back from them, not directly and not through Karen. Just Nothing. Obviously, Marshall and Zilla felt nothing Lorraine had to say was of any importance.
Jeff’s body did not take well to this disease. Over the last few years of his life, he would have many hospital stays, uncaring doctors who said they “did not care if he lived or died”. Other Physicians that would just discharge him with his symptoms being no different than when he was admitted. “It made no difference to them’”. He suffered from five heart attacks, several bouts of pneumonia, gallbladder disease. Severe hypertension, arthritis, irritable bowel syndrome, drop foot, insomnia, depression, atrial fibrillation, enlargement of the heart, deterioration of bone and muscle, fluctuating blood tests, daily repeated vomiting, and a whole lot more. One Doctor did a nuclear Stress Test that literally, almost killed Jeff, they had to stop mid test, and he coded after the test. But yet Marshall didn’t see the need to visit, or keep in regular contact with his son.
Karen lived across the state, but particularly that last year she made sure to make regular visits to her brother. Even in the summer, when she went to visit Marshall and Zilla, she told them how horrible Jeff looked and how they really have to come to visit him. As usual, Marshall took no heed. Marshall has not seen his Father or Zilla in about 10 years at this point.
Early one morning, Jeff walked into the room telling Lorriane that he couldn’t breathe and to call 911. That alerted her because he never wanted to go to the hospital by ambulance. She was on the phone with 911 when Jeff said to tell them to hurry, and that he was scared! After that his mouth moved but he made no sound. His eyes rolled back in his head. Lorriane listened for a pulse she found none. She started CPR. The ambulance got to their house within 10 minutes, they continued CPR at the house and during the ride to the hospital. No pulse. In the ER they finally got a pulse, but it had already been at least 35-40 minutes that Jeff’s body received no oxygen. Lorraine decided to take the Doctor’s advice and would give Jeff time to recover, and would reassess in 24 hours. But really, one look at him and you knew that he was already gone.
Lucy, Maggy and Lorriane had all come to the hospital together, getting there right behind the ambulance. She called Karen and her partner were there within a few hours. Jeff’s best friend Wyatt and another friend from high school days was Ruby. Each of these people stayed with Jeff through a very long and painful 10 hours, where Jeff showed no change, no response, the only thing keeping him going was the life support machines. During that time, Lorraine had Karen called Marshall to tell him that we are probably at the end, and if Marshall would like to say anything to his son, now is the time. He turned the opportunity down saying that, “Just because I’m not there, doesn’t mean that I don’t care”. Maggy had to walk out of the room, thinking, you haven’t cared in 13 years, and now on the guy’s deathbed you care? Gag me!
At about 8:30 that night Jeff was taken off life support, within seven minutes, his body was finally at rest. All the people that meant the most to him were with him.
The funeral was planned for the following Monday. Paperwork through the state lent to the delay. Over the next several days, Lorriane and Maggy took care of the business side, and made preparations for the service. Marshall had still not reached out to Jeff’s widow to offer any support, help or compassion. He did not speak with Lorriane, he left no message for Lorriane, dates and times went through Karen. Marshall did complain that the delay in the funeral would make it harder for him to get a flight, and he would not be able to come to the funeral if she didn’t set a day.
Now, another half sister of Jeff’s comes into the picture. We had known of her, and Jeff did speak to her once in a blue moon, but she had not seen him in about 19 years. She had lived out of the country for many years and had only recently returned. She got in touch with Lorriane and was very kind, saying she would be there for the funeral. She also said that she wanted to help with the expense of the funeral. There was still no word from Marshall, not to Lorriane, not to anyone in her family. Edna, the half sister, even brought some groceries over to Lorriane after her flight and settled into her hotel.
The six days between Jeff’s death and the funeral, Karen and her partner stayed at Lorraine’s house. It made it a full house, but I think that they all needed each other during that time. It was nice to see these ladies become friends. Sandy, Karen’s partner was such an amazing help. She was as much a part of the family as anyone could be. Her compassion was deeply touching.
Marshall decided to drive and arrived the afternoon before the funeral. Zilla had decided not to attend the funeral of her step son. For no other reason than, she just didn’t care enough. But she was more than willing to play the grieving mother on social media, from the people that had contacted her and Marshall. She stated it was a tragic loss, and he will be missed so much. But then it has always been about them, no one else. Certainly not for the man that is dead. Now up until this time, all the ladies at Lorrianes were getting along just fine. Marshall had wanted to take his two daughters out to dinner that night. Lorriane was not invited nor was her son. Just to make this clear, he still had said nothing to Lorriane or his Grandson. Nothing!
Karen and Debbie came to the house early, ready for the service. But Lorriane sensed that something was different, something had shifted with the small group. Edna called, but the sympathetic tone was gone, She was brief and to the point. She wanted to know if her and her “Father” could have private time with Jeff before the viewing began. If it was me, I would have said, No! Lorriane wanted to be fair, even though this man had yet to acknowledge her, she said they could have 15 minutes before the doors opened to themselves. The service was to start at 4:00 p.m.
The funeral home was opening for Lorriane and her family at 3:15 p.m.. Lorriane, Mike and Maggy arrived together at that time. And who did Maggy notice across the parking lot. Why it was a car with out of state plates, with a man and woman in the car. Maggy said “It’s them, I know it is”. It was.
While Mike circled the parking lot for an exact spot, Edna and Mitchell had gone inside the funeral home. They approached the Funeral Director, John and told them that he was Jeff’s father and he would like some private time with Jeff. John was very professional and told them that, “Mrs. Smith had left no arrangement with him that another family would be coming early, therefore he could not permit their going in. Edna stated, “You do know this is the man’s Father??!!” John repeated his same speech, and no one pressed the issue. As Lorraine, Maggy and Mike came in the door, I don’t believe Marshall even looked at them. He certainly said nothing to Lorraine, not one single word. Even on the day of his son’s funeral he could not be honest and come at the agreed time. He could not even comment to a young woman who apparently was broken in many pieces. No words for the woman that kept his son alive for the last three and a half years. Even then, he tried to “sneak” into a viewing before the agreed time, after Lorraine had very graciously let him have his own time. Is this guy scum or what?
Lorraine, Maggy and Mike entered the viewing room. It was hard, very hard. They had a few last minute details to take care of. They placed roses on the chairs of the immediate family. The flowers were to be used to place on the casket at the end of the service. One rose from each family member, Lorraine, Lucy, Vincent, Maggy, Mike and Karen along with Sandy and Wyatt. A rose was also placed on a chair for Danilynn, first row, first seat. There was no rose for Marshall, nor was there an assigned chair. You get what you put in, and he had put in nothing for well over two decades. If it was up to me, I would have put a chair in the middle of the parking lot for him.
At about 3:30, Lorriane asked for Vincent and Lucy to join us, since they had just arrived. When the door to the viewing room opened, who was ready to walk in, but Edna and Marshall. When Lorraine said “I just want my son and my sister”, you couldn’t help to see the look on both their faces. It was one of “Do you realize who I am?”. Yup, nobody! Vincent, strong and silent, remained the strength that his Mother needed from him during this time. At 3:45, Edna and Marshall were given their “private time”. They were joined by Karen and Sandy, who would have been welcome to join Lorriane and her family earlier, but remained loyal to her Father, waiting till they entered. Marshall surely did not deserve the respect.
I wonder, did he even know this was his son? Disease and 10 years makes a big difference in a man. Did he have any idea who he was looking at?
Lorraine had pulled her chair next to the casket and there she would stay through the two hour viewing.
The viewing was packed. Seating fell into the outer room, with standing room inside. Which the family thought funny, since Jeff had always said that no one would come to his funeral. In truth, over 150 people signed the guest book that day. He was a simple guy. Happiest when he was with his family and friends. He would be worried, if he thought he had hurt someone’s feelings, he would be concerned if he thought someone was mad at him. People just seemed to want to be around him. He just had a way of making people feel comfortable.
Jeff was a big guy with an even bigger heart. He was always the calm in the storm. He knew what compassion was, much more than some other people. Maybe because he came from the school of hard knocks. Maybe it was just part of being him, but I know that if compassion could have run through his veins, instead of all those chemicals, the man would live to be at least 100.
The service started with both Jeff’s close friends Ruby and Wyatt, giving sincere and tearful memories of their times with their friend. It was heart wrenching to watch these two young people honor their friend at his death. Marshall is sitting in the front row, holding a rose meant for someone that was important in Jeff’s life. Karen gave her Father her rose. The fact that she gave it to him was understandable. The fact that he took it was despicable.
About a year ago, at a time when Jeff wasn’t feeling that well, Jeff and Maggy had a conversation, he asked if she would do something when the time came. He asked if she would tell everyone and anyone that came to his memorial what kept him alive, for his three and a half years with kidney failure. Really he wanted her to make a u tube video and buy time on Netflix. But it’s one word. Lorraine. He wanted it to be known that any hope, any joy, and the feeling of being loved was all her. Any strength, any faith that he had came from her. We think part of how he stayed the course so long was because she told him to! The fact that he continued dialysis was her. She never gave up, never gave in. He was amazed at what she did for him. Astonished that she would clean blood, guts and secretions and just keep right on going. She was a fierce protector, and that soft blanket that you just wrapped yourself up in. He said that he knew it would happen, that he, at best, probably had a few years left. And he could accept that, the problem he was having was that he didn’t want to leave her, because he was going to miss her so damn much. That is what he wanted everyone to know. She was raised with a very strong commitment to family and a belief the family is everything and forever. And that’s how she cared for Jeff, with everything, into his forever.
Maggy gave Jeff’s eulogy. She kept her promise to him by telling everyone about how Lorraine cared for him and how much they loved each other. She spoke of family fun and vacations, the atmosphere of their homes and families. She spoke emotionally about the type of person Jeff was. How understanding and patient, and humorous he was. The times the family spent together at movies and cookouts. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house by the time she finished except for Marshall. He sat stoically, holding the flower that wasn’t his to hold.
A thought occurred. What would he have done if Maggy had asked him to say a few words. Could he speak of memories. Could he tell these friends about the personality, hopes and dreams of this man? Could he talk about family vacations? The answer is no. He really could not have told anyone anything about this man because, truth be told, he didn’t know him at all.
The service was ended. Friends left and the family passed to view Jeff one last time. Maggy watched as Marshall laid the rose across Jeff’s coffin and touched his arm. She wanted to spit on him, but definately not the time or place. She turned to talk to someone and within seconds Marshall and his group were gone. There were no thoughts to Lorriane. No thank you to her for all she had done for Jeff. No thank you for putting such a nice memorial together. Of course no, can I help you with anything? Or do you need anything. Just walk out the door, never to be heard from again. And that is the story of Marshall, and sister, Edna.
May God have mercy on them. Well, maybe her, but not him, he should get nothing, at all, ever.
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