I wish that we were making each other crazy in the good way. Instead of the name calling and undercutting, I wish we were just learning about each other’s bodies. I want to know every twist and turn, every quake and quiver your body makes. I want to know what makes your heart beat not because you tell me but because I can see it and feel it. And I want to kiss your neck so badly. I am a neck person, and you have a really great neck that I have been trying to kiss for decades. We know that we can hurt each other, intentionally and accidentally. But I still believe that there is more to all this than that. I am really emotionally clumsy sometimes. But I am also really kind and generous. I am really uptight sometimes. But I am also really free and gracious too. I want you to know these things, not because I tell you but because you see them and feel them. You know who you are and how you want to live. A few years ago, I said the same. I decided to change my fate. It has been hard and lonely. For years, it has been hard and lonely. So maybe that has hardened me. Not sure. What I know is that I love you. No matter where I go or who I am or how I feel, I just want you. I have been in and out of relationships, marriage, psych wards, tattoo parlors, record shops, addictions, recovery groups, churches, coffee shops, dark bars and a million other doors trying to find someone or something that I desire the way I desire you. Trying to find something that brings me peace the way that you can. I can still hear you sing The Horses. I can still hear you sing a lot sexier stuff too. You whispered thanks in my ear in such a way it gives me chills like 8 years later. There’s a lot of things you don’t know that I would love to tell you over coffee in bed. Mostly though I just want to listen to you over coffee in bed.