There are times when I enter the ring and wonder if I’ll make it through. I feel like I’m constantly against the same dastardly opponent who keeps giving me hay-makers to the chest, head, and gut. Every time I take the blows, I get knocked down. And then I realize that I don’t have the strength to continue on my own. But that’s when something miraculous happens.
I hear a voice: a confident and encouraging whisper that says, “get up, don’t quit, I am with you. I can give you strength if you just rely on me. The great, I AM!”
This is when I realize that the only way I can actually lose the fight is by giving up. Victory in this case is not about winning the match. It’s about not quitting and persevering, no matter how many times you’ve been knocked down.
© Crow Lore
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Hey there!
This is really nice! Short and simplistic are really smart ways to go something when there is a specific message you want to convey, and I think you did that really well here. I really enjoy magical-realism, there is a lot of fun thing you can do with it as a writer. I think if this was something you wanted to explore more, you should definitely take the chance, even if you don’t think it turns out well in the end. Who knows what you will come across, right? But there isn’t a need to expand, your story isn’t about the supernatural voice, it’s about not giving up, and with that message in mind, you really hit it home. Finding your character’s voice is important in any story you write no matter the length, it helps distinguish your main character from other people, so the syntax is your best friend.
I hope this makes sense.