Jaimee didn’t know who she was anymore. At this very moment, she finally realized this hard pill to swallow. She underestimated humankind, and the choices often made by an individual. Her life had been dedicated to helping and understanding people. All she wanted to do was help people, one way or another. For she knew what it was like to feel lonely, and she wanted to do all she could to prevent this from happening to other people. She was a victim of abuse and harassment. Only two years ago she tried to take her life. Although she was such a strong person on the outside, there was a troubled young girl hidden inside her 20 year old body. Jaimee was beginning to dress for another boring day of college, when her cell phone began to buzz. Her heart sank and a deep, hard knot tangled in her throat as she skipped a breath. Her mind tuned out all other noises and the only thing she heard was the pestering buzz and ring of her cell phone, as if in slow motion. She swallowed the knot slowly and reached for her phone, only to notice a restricted number was calling her. She knew she shouldn’t answer the phone, but a small part of her hoped she would be given her much deserved explanation of what had happened two nights ago. Another part of her didn’t want to answer, knowing that she could possibly regret doing so. She swiped right to answer the call, when an automated message began playing, bickering about changing wifi providers. She felt a cool rush of relief swipe through her body. “Oh thank God.” She thought to herself, however she was slightly disappointed her deserved explanation was not given yet. In haste she grabbed her bag and headed out the door.
The day dragged on until she finally finished her last class of the day, criminology. She truly enjoyed this class, as she one day hoped to join the FBI as a criminal profiler. “Jaimee! What happened to you the other night? I was worried.” Christine gasped to Jaimee as she sat down next to her. Jaimee knew she couldn’t tell her what did happen, in fear of sounding like she was crazy. She could feel the guilt of beginning the lie welt inside of her until finally, “Nothing happened, I-I was just tired, uh, I went home and went to bed. Didn’t mean to worry you.”
Christine looked at her in a speculating stare and responded, “Well, then what happened to you the following day? You didn’t return any of my texts…” Her voice trailed off. “Jaimee, what happened to you hand.” And with a fast jerk Jaimee swiped her hand out of sight under her other arm. “Nothing, I was upset and punched the wall is all.” She choked the truth in the back of her throat from coming out. When in reality, this wound was not from her punching a wall out of emotion, instead it was a defensive wound. Two nights ago, she was pinned against a wall just outside of her dorm building by Jason her ex. He cheated on her with her own cousin while she came down to visit her only moments before this encounter. She began crying for him to let her go, that she didn’t want to ever see him again. She felt trapped. She had PTSD from a similar encount seven years prior, when a classmate choked her against a wall till she blacked out. So in this instance with Jason, she acted in panic and self-defense, punching him in the face and kneeing him in the groin, fleeing away to the cafeteria. The phone call earlier that morning, she had hoped would be from her cousin, offering some sort of explanation as to why she would hurt her like that. She wasn’t ready to tell Christine what had happened yet, not until she spoke to her therapist about the PTSD attack she had. Nightmares began filling her dreams. Nightmares that Jason began to choke her, killing her for breaking up with him. She was unsure why, he had never been violent with her, however he did say something months prior on Halloween that now haunted her mind.
The night of Halloween they were at a party in their dorm building. The party was to say the least, a drunk-driven, crossfaded-driven, tight gathering of people in a very small dorm room. Everyone had been drinking. Jason left for a few moments to use the restroom when Frances, her classmate from Canada, got close to her trying to steal a kiss or more scooted over to her. He grabbed her by the hand and began to kiss her. She tried to object, but in her drunken haze, she was unable to push him away. Jason walked back in just after using the restroom, shaking the water from his hands, very quickly noticing Frances on his girlfriend. He pushed people out of his way to tackle Frances off of his girlfriend. He pinned him down and began screaming in his face “THAT IS MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND AND SHE OBVIOUSLY DIDN’T WANT YOU- YOU-YOU PERVERT!” With that Jason jumped to his feet and grabbed Jaimee by the end and left the party. As they descended down the hallway, the haunting sound of his voice repeated over and over in his mind, as he stopped her against the wall. “Look Jaimee, I don’t want you seeing him again. You shouldn’t–*he groans*. Look, if I. Can’t have you, ALL of you..No one. No one can have you.”
At the time this was meaningless, however now it meant so much more. She now worried that psychopathic tendencies would arise. She studied this in criminology very diligently. She knew the warning signs. And the attitude of “If I can’t have her, then no one can” was at the very top of the list. The conversation between Christine and Jaimee was dropped after their professor began class. But all Jaimee could think about was the betrayal her boyfriend and cousin threw at her. She was hurt, deeply. She was hurt more than worried or scared of him. She was hurt and just wanted to cry. But all she could do was sit silently in class. Until soon, class ended.
The night dragged on as she did her homework in her room. Until the power went out. “Great, just great.” She grabbed her phone and turned the flashlight on and turned around in her seat, getting up and making her way to her door. She opened the door and felt the hair on her skin poke straight up and screamed at the top of her lungs as the sight she saw brought fear upon her.