THE LIFE AND SUCCESS STORY OF A SCHIZOPHRENIC
It was a wintry stormy night. The winds were howling and the rain was pelting down. It was one of those rainy stormy nights in December. Suddenly I found my whole body, legs and hands were shaking violently. I couldn’t control any part of my body…. not even my brains. I felt a chill running down my spine from neck to the legs… my brain was throbbing and I felt very helpless and restless….. I could see the streaks of white light as the lightning strike from the reflection on the walls in my room. I could also hear the heavy rushing of winds and rain coming through the window from where I was sleeping. I had just been awaken by the claps of thunder and sounds of rain and winds pelting on the roof of the house.
I screamed “mother, help me! Quick come help me? My body is shaking violently I can’t control my movements….”
My parents came into the room and held me down….. I screamed … and uttered gibberish…. It was in the wee hours of the morning. I was in a state of agony and anguish …. I felt my body trembling, sweating and also felt like there were a lot of worms or something which I cannot describe … gnawing and crawling all over my body. My head was spinning and painful. I could hear some kind of soft chanting in some odd language in my ears. I was in that state for hours, which seemed like eternity until it was day break.
I started to vomit and felt weak and limp for the whole day after that. I was not feeling well and my head was throbbing and I couldn’t feel at ease. I could not sleep a wink although I felt very tired. The feeling was very lousy and I felt as though I was possessed by some kind of spirits or something that controlled both my whole body and mind. I just could not sit still for one second, I would pace up and down and utter gibberish. I just was not myself anymore. There was no peace in the heart, brain or body …. I just felt very uneasy, weak, limp and nauseous…. I hear chanting in something like Arabic and also chanting in Chinese… hours went by and I was in that state for God knows how long ……. next thing I know was I walked like a zombie.
I had just had some sleepless nights before the above incident happened. I had travelled to South Thailand about two weeks before by bus. When I was travelling someone had kept tapping my head in the middle of the night.
My parents were clueless and helpless as to what to do with me for the next few days when I remained in that confused, limp, nauseous, weak and zombie like state….. They tried to get spiritual healing for me by getting a pastor to exorcise and pray for me. They even got “amulet” water for me to drink. My mother tried brewing “pig brains with herbs” for me too, believing that it will strengthen and heal my brains. My parents tried all means to get me healed physically, mentally and spiritually, but my condition did not improve over the days. So finally after perhaps something like a week they had no choice but to send me to the mental hospital.
There they treated me like an outcast. They tied my hands and legs and wouldn’t let me down of my bed for the first few days although I was well behaved and not violent. I was confused and didn’t understand why they were treating me that way. Every day I would just eat, though just a little bit as I was nauseous, take medication and lay on the bed. But my condition was none the better. I was still weak, nauseous, confused, uneasy and had no inner peace in my heart, brain and body. The worst thing is that I could not sleep a wink in all my days in the hospital, I just drifted away my life in there. My sister, mother and father took turns to visit me daily at the hospital. There was no improvement in me all this while until one day, my father visited me and asked me how I was feeling. I told him I was still the same as I came in. I didn’t feel any better. Then he asked me whether I wanted to go see a “Bomoh” (a Malay witch doctor) and I said “Yes”.
So he discreetly brought me home on home leave and brought me to the bomoh. Miraculously, after I saw the bomoh and gone through his healing ritual, I was able to sleep for four hours the very first night…… the very first time I was able sleep since I fell ill about a month ago. I was also feeling better instantly. I no longer felt that my body was possessed, no longer hearing voices and no more headaches. The bomoh had instructed my mother to give me a packet of “powder” to eat each day before night fall for seven days.
With the passing of each day, my sleeping duration increased and by the end of the seventh day, as instructed by the bomoh that I would be well by the seventh day, I was able to sleep normally – eight hours a day, walked normally not zombie-like. Most importantly I felt I was free and not being controlled by some unexplainable forces physically and mentally.
After my home leave for one week, the hospital said I needed to go back to the hospital for another couple of days for observation. I was discharged after that but I needed to take medication.
I was healed. At least now I could sleep. I was able to eat normally without feeling nauseous. I didn’t feel uneasy and can walk and control my movements normally – no more like a zombie.
Before I was discharged, I had asked the doctor what kind of illness I suffered from. She said I have schizophrenia and I needed to take medication all the time if I wanted to be well and normal.
She concluded that I had suffered a mental breakdown and the diagnosis is schizophrenia. I have had symptoms of sleepless nights, suspicion of people, thinks that the “Lee” family wanted to harm me, sent spies to follow me etc, as a backlash on me as I had cursed their family and had bad mouthed them.
Although I was healed, I found myself feeling very strange. It was not a 100% recovery. I felt that there was no spiritual link between my old-self and new-self. It was a really strange feeling which I believe nobody would understand unless and until someone has experienced that kind of ordeal before.
So after a couple of days that I was discharged from hospital I laid on the bed and started to pray earnestly to Jesus to make me whole and complete again. Surprisingly, as I meditated for Jesus to heal me completely, I felt some kind of current flowing through my brains…. just for a couple of seconds – and next moment I felt a great relief and I was 100% at peace and ease with myself. Only then do I feel complete and restful 100%.
That was how I was completely healed and became a Christian.
I attended Church regularly after that. I would go to Church practically every Sunday and led a more colourful life after my recovery. I started to take swimming lessons, joined kayaking club, make friends and go out with friends. Before my so called “breakdown” I used to cope up at home every single day of the year. I did not want to go out with friends and would spend most of my time at home. I would only go to work and come home every day. Weekends would be spent cleaning the house, cooking for my whole family of 13 persons, looking after my 3 younger brothers, ironing the clothes for the whole family and washing the dishes etc. The only leisure for me was watching TV in between my doing my household chores.
Life after my recovery was also very different apart from the changes in the social aspects of my life. I could not work for long or function well when I am pressurized at work. If I were too stressed in my work, I would feel nauseous, sweaty and unwell. As a result I had to hop from jobs to jobs. At some jobs I lasted only a couple of days, some one month and others a year to a few years. I just had to be on the move on my job and I cannot stay put for too long. But I never mentioned my past history.
In some jobs that I have worked with, I was able to keep them because they were less stressful and the nature of the jobs allowed me to do work at my own pace. Also because the bosses were more understanding and flexible. They allowed me to take leave off work when I was feeling sick or unwell.
A few times, I would deliberately skip my medication for months as I did not want to be addicted to the medication and I thought I could do without them. But after a few months or a couple of years without medication, I would get a relapse. I needed to go hospital to recuperate when a relapse occurred.
During the early years after my recovery, it was hard for me to come into terms with my so called “illness”, but by and by I have learned that I am very reliant on the medication I am on. If I didn’t take the medication I would feel weird and “toon” and will not be able to function normally. I would not be able to do simple tasks like light housework, bathe after a hard day’s work, think or act normally. My eyes would roll and my mind would feel in a “whirl” with weird warped thoughts going thru my mind every minute, every second, linking all kinds of weird thoughts which could be very debilitating, overwhelming and overpowering.
I have never fallen in love with a guy until I met my husband. Prior to meeting my husband I had a couple of crushes. My friend had wanted to introduce a guy (now my husband) to me then. She asked me to cook for her guests during a Chinese New Year party and I did just that. That was when I first met my husband. He was working in China at that time and had just come back for vacation.
We liked each other and hit it off. After that we dated and we got married within a year of knowing each other. At that time my grandmother had just passed away and according to our customs we had to get married within 3 months after her funeral or we had to wait for 3 years, so we chose the former.
Now looking back we have been married for 26 years. After all these years, I dare say my husband is a nice guy despite his bad and unpredictable temper. I have suffered a lot because of his temperament but he has also suffered a lot because of my suspicious nature due to my sickness. I endured all the hardships in our relationship and never once thought of divorce even though there were a few occasions that my husband got angry and hit me. I perservered and it paid off now. My husband has mellowed and is very nice to me now since many years ago. He stopped laying hands on me many years ago. I have come to enjoy the fruits and harvest of our labor. Now I am leading a happy, carefree and good simple life. We are looking forward to his retirement whereby both of us can enjoy our golden years for many years to come, if God willing.
Before I met him, I have prayed diligently for one or 2 years to meet a nice Christian guy who will love me and accept me despite my sickness. He likewise has also prayed for a nice Christian girl to be his partner. God granted our wishes and brought us together.
Having gone through much trials and tribulations together, I have come to conclude that my husband is a good, nice guy. He is not fussy about things, quiet, hardworking and kind. He helps me with buying groceries since day one when we got married and looks after the family well. When our children were younger he always made it a point to bring us out when he was off work. He always would spend time with the family apart from his work. He is very responsible and strict with our children. When my children were younger, he would always play soccer or badminton with them whenever he was free.
Praise the Lord! All Glory and Honor be to our God, the Highest!
He gave us two handsome, intelligent, good and nice boys. One who studied in UCLA and the other UC Berkeley. Both colleges are good renowned colleges in the U.S.
He also blessed us financially. He keeps us safe and healthy. He has given us the opportunity to migrate to this land which we have found is a better place for us than our homeland Singapore. Here we are able to afford and enjoy cheap, good, nice fruits and poultry, good fresh air and water, cheap cars and cheap petrol. We are able to own two houses here and one flat in Singapore.
Our children are blessed too. He has blessed my elder son with a good job. I believe he will also bless my second son with a good job too.
He has also blessed me abundantly. He enables us to afford me not to work and stay home. He provides for us and blesses us. Hallelujah! Amen!
I pray that The Lord our God, Jesus will continue to bless us physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. Thank you Jesus, Hallelujah! Amen!
At least now, I am able to stay home and not work. This has alleviated my mental problem greatly. Otherwise, I would have to suffer and endure the effects of my sickness which is very upsetting and unbearable for me. I will always feel “toon” and “disorientated” when I work too much – more acute in the winter months.
Even now, as it is, I will feel stressed out and “toon” when I had to do house work for two or three hours continuously at one go. It is the side effects of my illness. During this time when I am “toon” I will feel that my house will collapse, or my hands, legs, or house is dirty and I or we will get infected with germs, HIV and sicknesses and then spread to my family members. These thoughts often make be unable to function normally and feel “weird” in a day to day basis. I would need to go stop what I am doing at that point of time and catch some sleep or rest for hours before I regain my composure and feel normal again.
In retrospect, I have come a long, long way. At least I can function and can lead a normal life with constant medication, all these years aka do my household chores at my own pace and take breaks whenever I wish and needed to. God has empowered me and given me strength, power and peace to go through life thus far. I count myself lucky that I recovered and am in remission for as long as I take the medication regularly. It would be hell if I had not gone to see the “Bomoh” who cured me of my “curse”. I wouldn’t dare think what would happen if I had not gone to see the Bomoh. Perhaps I would still live and rot in the asylum and never had a chance to experience a normal family life with a husband and children, let alone married with a good husband and have two nice, capable and handsome kids. It really makes me shudder at the thought of having to live my whole life in an asylum.
Praise the Lord! All Glory and honor be to God the Highest!
Thank you Jesus for all the things and blessings you have bestowed upon me and my family. Thank you for allowing me to lead a happy, carefree and good simple life in America.
I have been on medication for almost 40 years now.
Footnote: If you have these symptoms, like suspicious of people around you, feel that people wants to harm you, people are following you, people are talking and gossiping bad things about you, having sleepless nights, unexplained pains and aches everywhere in the body, feel very stressed out and tired every time, beware you may be suffering from some forms of mental illness. You need to recognize the fact that it is an illness and accept it in your stride. You need to see a doctor and follow through with the medication prescribed. Do not go into self-denial otherwise you will always live in your trapped environment and never have a chance to lead a normal, happy and peaceful life. You will live a life of “living hell” if you don’t take a step forward to seek a doctor’s help and follow through with the medication to balance your body’s chemical.
I have seen and heard many cases of people who suffer from these kinds of sickness but they never want to accept and acknowledge the fact that they are sick and needed medication to help them, thus depriving themselves a chance to recover and lead a normal, peaceful and happy life.
These are classic examples of people I come across in my working life as a Program Associate for 5 years, in a non-profit that provides transitional housing to domestic violence women.
I hope after reading my life story, it would help and inspire all those who are experiencing some kind of mental illness to come forward and seek medical help and follow through with the medication prescribed. Hope that this story of mine will give you hope and desire to lead a normal, happy peaceful life versus “living hell”. Who says it is not possible to lead a normal life for schizophrenics? It may be tough but it is possible. Thank you for reading.