A girl passes you. She has black hair and is overweight.
Fat, you think, then curse yourself for being so mean. Another boy passes you. He is scrawny, his face covered in pimples, glasses atop his nose.
Nerd, you think. I am a horrible person.
Next, you are in chorus. You know a lot of sign language, and are auditioning to do sign language along to a song. There is a girl from your class a few rows down. She is doing sign language. She is one of the girls you hate, that think they are the best. That think the world revolves around them.
She doesn’t even know sign language! you think angrily. I hate her.
There is a monster inside my head.
Prose
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This piece addresses something very relatable and very personal: we’re all a little judgmental, internally, and we’re often aware of it. You did an excellent job of using small details to paint us a picture. The reader can immediately go into a similar mindspace because, whether they admit it or not, they’ve thought just like this. Interesting use of second-person point of view (“you think”). Second person is hard to master and is even more difficult to read because it can feel repetitive. But you’ve largely used it successfully here.
There is one thing that threw me off was the swing to first person (“I” or “me”) in the last line. It’s clear you meant it to be that way; it’s your title, after all. But why the switch after writing in second the rest of the time? Is it a shift in perspective? It just feels a little jarring and because it’s at the end of the piece, it leaves me confused.
Overall, good work!
I am glad you are able to relate to it. The switch in perspective at the end has been a problem for me recently. I had to write a short memoir for school recently, and half-way through I switched from second-person to first-person. I understand you confusion and will try to better myself in the future.
I enjoyed reading this piece. I think most people are able to relate to this concept of judging people, but your poem shows that you are aware. That is first step when it comes to stop judging people. You need to recognize that you are doing it, and go from there. It requires a conscious effort, like you have shared with this piece.
I am so glad you like it, and am relieved I am not the only one!
I really like your piece. As the reader, I can tell that the speaker is struggling with their thought process and thinking that they are not a good person. I suggest, however, to reread your piece; there are a lot of spelling errors. I also suggest adding more to the story. Why does the speaker think this way even though they know it is wrong? Good start, keep editing!
Thanks for reading!
Also, I was wondering if maybe you could point some of these errors out to me? I am currently editing a lot of my other pieces!