The Note
By:Gen1900
My eyes lazily lowered shut as the T.V. speakers blared with laughter. I was watching, “Home Improvement,” on Netflix and it was great . . . just on a hard work day, nothing can keep you awake.
My other apartment neighbors didn’t think I was being loud for one: two, deaf old people lived on separate sides of me. Even if I had the loudest party on the planet, they’d think it’s only a quiet night in the city.
Soon enough I sleeping heavily with the only the television screen illuminating the dark room.
All was peaceful . . . all was still.
Then a white piece of paper slipped through my mail slot. It only made the tiniest crinkling noise, not much to wake me.
Two hours later, I jolted upwards into a sitting position . . . kinda confused at where I was.
Oh yeah, I thought to myself, you’re on the couch.
I rubbed my red eyes and stood up.
When I went to go to bed something crinkled under my foot.
I looked down to see a note with hasty scribble imprinted on the lines.
It read in bold letters:
To: Neighbor
I do not like you and I will not cower;
I will use all in my power.
To make you pay;
To make you suffer.
Make sure you keep the lights on tonight;
Because if you don’t . . . I’ll visit you.
Your Worst Nightmare
I shook my head and mumbled, “Stupid Prank.”
End of Part 1
Mystery
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This ending was underwhelming compared to the rest of the story. You started out really well; you built a scene, established a scenario the reader can relate to, and added suspense with the crinkling of the note and being startled awake. As a reader, after I read the mysterious note, I’m waiting for a climax to occur, a conflict, or a plot twist. What happens next? Is this killer as ruthless as he says is? Is it foolish for the main character to dismiss this threat as a prank?
As for the last sentence, don’t directly state what the truth is to the reader, let us figure it out in the story. If it turns out that he is indeed “a serial killer claiming his next victim,” show us! Work past victims into the piece. Kill your narrator. Switch point of views to the murderer. Anything to continue the story. I think you have a great idea here you can work with, and I’d recommend you remove the last two lines, add “part 1” in the title, or maybe “to be continued” at the bottom. I’d love to see you write and post the next part of this piece!