The Stranger of the Woods
By:Gen1900
Susie Hendricks, a sweet thing of six years, marched gaily to the chatty brook that flowed behind the cottage. You couldn’t exactly see the tiny river unless you took a few steps into a short stretch of swaying birch trees.
This was the place where Susie’s imagination ran wild. Underneath rocks, she greeted make-believe trolls, and in the holes of wood she smiled at the fairies tidying their homes.
Her Mother, Emily, thought Susie had too much of an imagination, but that’s as far as her worry went. She just didn’t have the courage or heart to face the lit-up starry blue eyes filled with innocent wonder. Emily put the concern at bay until that day in spring.
Susie held her breath in bravery as she dipped her bare feet into the rushing water. A cold sensation prickled her skin, yet a refreshing once . . . once she got used to it of course.
Susie began washing the lower half of her spindly legs when a kind voice spoke behind her.
“Are you having fun, dear?”
Susie abruptly turned to see a beautiful Lady smiling at her. The Stranger was dressed in a lily white gown that rustled in the breeze. The Lady’s golden hair fell about her delicate shoulders.
Susie thought it was one of her mother’s friends, but she believed it was odd that a wreath of flowers adorned the Lady’s head.
“Yes, I am, ” replied Susie, grinning back. She never possessed tendencies to be shy at all.
The Lady moved toward Susie and placed a hand on the dimpled cheek.
“I’ve come to prepare you for the morrow. You’ll have to leave this world soon, my child. Can you be with Me and My Son?”
Without thinking, Susie dazedly answered, “I’m ready.”
The Lady embraced the child fondly and disappeared from the woods.
Susie had to tell Mother about the woman! Maybe she’d know who she was. If she did, maybe her Mother would have the Lady visit again.
Sadly, Emily was shocked at Susie’s story. It was only a story of fantasies not realities.
“Susie . . . you’re lying. I think you need to tone your imagination down a notch,” said Mother as she cut carrots for supper.
“It’s true, Mommy!” cried Susie. Tears pooled in the corners of her eyes.
“Stop with the lies!” exclaimed Mother, losing her patience. Her child was becoming a troublesome girl, not the truthful toddler she had previous.
“It’s . . . true, ” sobbed Susie, her face red from crying.
“Just . . . please go to your room now! You’ll you wait for your food till tomorrow morning!” sad Mother heatedly.
Susie did as she was told and slowly ambled along to her room. She lain her aching head on the rose-printed pillow; her thoughts drifting to the Lady again.
As the night wore on, and Mother already sleeping in bed, little Susie’s soul rose to the strikingly pretty sky above. It was a peaceful departure . . . no pain . . . no suffering. She went to be with the Lady and Her Son to the Garden of Bliss.
The next morning, Emily discovered the lifeless figure splayed out on the bed. She held the child in her arms and wailed, “Oh! How could I have been so blind! She meant . . . she meant heaven!”
General
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I enjoyed reading your story. Really enjoy the idea of the child meeting an angel of death or angels of death and how they came wisk her away from her mortal life. As I told someone before I in no way ever want to offer critisms on other people’s work but one thing I notice probably because is such a fault in my own writing. Is the lax use of adverbs. I think there even an article on this site that mentions the adverbs problems. At first I never really understood because the idea idea of the adverb seems to add more flavor and it’s only been with a great deal of attention and practice I’ve come to see what they meant. I would like to give an example from your story and you can decide whether or not it makes sense to you.
“Go to your room and no supper for you. Now!” sad (said) mother heatedly.
“Go to your room and no supper for you. Now!” Mother said unable to mask the irritation in her voice.
I think it was something I read once that these types of small difference can really add to the story.
Either way thanks for sharing your story.
This was great to read, I thoroughly enjoyed it! Your choice of descriptive words really helped emphasized the more mystical part of the story. Some things I specifically noticed was how you described the brook as “chatty.” I think that was a really great use of personification and it adds to the feeling of childhood wonder. And the “innocent wonder” in Suzie’s eyes was also very powerful addition, adding to the story’s overall tone. About halfway through, when the Fairy/Angel visited Suzie, I couldn’t help but ask if Suzie was going to die at the end, and she did, but it didn’t shatter the narrative voice you were carrying throughout the entire story.
Actually the Fairy/Angel was the Blessed Virgin Mary. Just wanted to clarify that to you. The Mother of God appeared in Fatima. Do you know about that? I’m just telling some history.