The thought of you makes me feel like I have gold in my hands but…
The thought of you leaving me makes me feel like a snow globe that was just dropped on the floor.
The thought of you crying makes me want to tell you ‘I love you’.
The thought of you liking her makes me want to rip my skin off and be prettier than her.
The thought of you not trusting me makes me feel like I left a bank unlocked but…
The thought of you holding me makes me feel sane.
The thought of your lips on mine make me want more.
The thought of you keeping me forever makes me think it’s true but…
The thought of you gone makes me want to be gone too…
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I find this work is really unique and interesting because it explores the complexities of love. Obviously, while it is an amazing sensation to be infatuated with another individual – it’s all-consuming and leaves one/s heart and soul feeling warm, fluffy, and lighthearted – it can also bring about multiple negative emotions, like anxiety, jealousy, and devastation. That is precisely what this work strives to tell the audience, and it succeeds. The narrator is very much in love with a special someone, for just the mere thought of them induces feelings of safety and desire and belonging. However, at the same time, the mere thought of the person being in trouble or distress or yearning for something else makes the narrator a complete and utter wreck. In other words, love can evoke polar opposite reactions, which is both lovely and worrisome concept. My favorite sentence(s) has to be the introduction: “The thought of you makes you feel like I have gold in my hands but… / The thought of you leaving me makes me feel like a snow globe that was just dropped on the floor.” Right there, loud and clear, it is shown that love can be both blissful and toxic – a treasure as well as a bane. The narrator has raised his/her lover on a pedestal, glorifying them, so now the idea of continuing life without them seems equivalent to ultimate ruin. All in all, this poem is more than a proclamation of love: it is a definition of what love is.
My one and only suggestion for you in regards to *enhancing* this poem is to reorganize it. I love the way in which, for a majority of the work, you went back and forth between the pros and cons of the narrator being in love with this special someone. In one instant, the narrator is discussing how this person makes them sane, but in the next, the narrator says that they would want to be gone too should the person leave. It is an exhilarating and thrilling dynamic! However, throughout the course of this work, you don’t keep an even balance of the consequences of love. The way that I see it, the work is constructed like so:
Line 1: Pro
Line 2: Con
Line 3: Pro
Line 4: Con
Line 5: Con
Line 6: Pro
Line 7: Pro
Line 8: Pro
Line 9: Con
Currently, you have an additional pro. Moreover, there is not a cohesive order of pros and cons, but rather a sporadic flip-flop; it focuses on the delights of passion for 1 to 3 before suddenly switching to the woes, and vice versa. Therefore, my advice would be to go back and edit this piece so that it switches from pro to con from line to line. By doing this, not only will there be more a rhythm to the work (which automatically makes the framework more pleasing) but also it will make the purpose of the work even more evident. You want to demonstrate that the narrator is currently so wrapped up in this mindset that she’s in love with this person – that she doesn’t know quite how to be anything or anybody else BUT in love with them. Flicking back and forth constantly between these conflicting emotions with show *just* how enraptured she is, and make the work’s message all the more profound.
Thank you so much.