In a dream, Julianna holds Vincent in the dark, where they can’t see each other’s body or face, but they just know who each other are based on the texture and scent of their skin. The awareness of passion and comfort perpetuates until dawn, leaving both of them fulfilled and relaxed. The continuous concept of Vincent’s manliness placed into her soft slot made Julianna feel amazing and hungering for more of this experience. The real thing is better than just beating around the bushes. Julianna kisses Vincent with intense passion and love that is so strong, full of gladness. Suddenly, Vince feels invigorated, enthralled, allured, mesmerized, with a deep feeling of strong sexual attraction, and peace. Excitement flows through Vincent’s body and he feels stunned and comfortable at the same time. For what seemed like forever, Vincent has been torn between sharing sweet, sweet love with her, and sharing mere extreme sexual bliss. Vincent hugs Julianna a lot of the time. When they hug they feel connected and they literally are very cognizant of how the other person feels. Sometimes they like to hold hands and look into each other’s eyes. They feel so good they never want to leave each other. But they need to tend to their life also. When they hug, they are so peaceful and happy. They kiss a lot. When they kiss they are in ecstasy. They are consistent with their love and devotion. Julianna can’t believe how hot he is to her. Every single time they meet eyes she feels so deeply and intensely attracted to his eyes that pierce into hers like a laser light. He is Southern Italian, and very, very manly, with lusty lips, bright white teeth, that are straight and amazing. He is so enthusiastic. He wears a baseball cap every day, with wavy dark brown hair that is medium length. He loves basketball. He likes to run. He is special. He hangs out with his guy friends a lot, and plays basketball and soccer. Julianna loves birds and begged him to get one for her. Instead, they got the cutest little kitten and they named her Nip. Nip was very affectionate with them. She was fuzzy with light and dark shades of gray all over her body. She was the perfect weight. They called her the green-eyed-princess. She had green eyes and she was sweet. Julianna has always been an awesome dancer, and she gets all of the moves down perfectly. She has had numerous boyfriends in her life, but none of them matched up to the splendor of his goodness.
General
Comments are closed.
I think you did a thorough job of conveying how manly Vincent was, however, I think you could organize this piece more effectively. Start with why they’re together, what their personalities are like, then go into the sex. Two separate paragraphs.
I really like this piece. While reading through the first half, I felt many emotions. A sense of peace, comfort, and appreciation for these two characters in love. I like that you take one concept and expand on it so that the reader can almost feel the love that is both intense and sweet. The way they feel when they are close to each other and when they are holding hands. Towards the end though, I began to feel that the extra information contained in regards to their cat and the background information about Vincent may not be needed. It almost pulls the reader away from the focus here, which is their love. I agree with LindsayB on this. A separation of paragraphs may help the reader better transition to a different focus in this piece. Besides that, I think you are a very good writer. Great job here!