Justin and I were dating for a few weeks now, a few weeks that felt like months, something that feeling of months felt like years. I thought today was just like any other day the sun was out and I could feel the warmth of it on my skin. We were in his kitchen I was sitting on the counter eating my salad and Justin stood across, me on his phone with a smile on his face I knew something wasn’t right. The cold frail tears filled my crystal blue ocean eyes, I tried to hold in the tears so Justin wouldn’t see them, but even if I did cry me, I highly doubt he, would really notice.
I wasn’t stupid, I knew, there was another girl I knew I wasn’t the only one he, was trying to be, with I know a, part of him wasn’t, able to truly settle down and be with just anyone. Even though I wanted to give him a shot because I really like him he, just proved me right that he couldn’t, be trusted. I was trying so hard for weeks to walk away from all the other possibilities when it came to him and, another girl, especially, because I know it’s you. But he, and you have a history the, history that, I couldn’t compete with and frankly I don’t think a, part of me, wanted to even try and compete with you because I knew I wouldn’t win I, wouldn’t even be in the running.
I wasn’t sure if I knew how to handle them, situation or if I wanted to even handle, the situation. I still like and maybe even a part of me loves him or was it like Outer Banks, and I love the idea of being with him because it, made me happy and smile but in hindsight, it wasn’t really happy. Before Justin, I got cheated on and I’ve had my share of heartbreaks. But when it comes to Justin, I don’t think I’m mad at him I think I’m angry, at myself for believing he wouldn’t hurt me.
He and you have known each other since high, school and you’ve always been there for each other, you guys, have conversations, conversations Justin and I can never, have because he refuses to talk to me like that. I think a part of him was, using me, to and, I think a part of him wants to break up, but I also think another part of him doesn’t want, to admit he has feelings for you while he’s in a relationship with me because he’s trying to change. Or because he’s, attempting to change I really don’t know and frankly don’t think I should care but I do care because the feelings are still there and I don’t, see them, going away anytime, soon unless, I handle, the situation.
I, don’t know I don’t even know what I don’t know is all I do know, but I can’t be with someone who loves someone else it’s not fair. It’s, not even not fair, to me it’s not fair because I know you love him back. I’ve seen, the text messages and the Snapchats, I’ve seen the way your name pops up on his phone and, he looks at it. And I know it’s the look because I’ve never gotten it, but it’s the typically romantic love-scene look and I can’t compete with that.