My attraction with Kwon Ji-hyun / exists because we’re both trapped in a point in time where the bars of our respective cage is our freedom // and the conflict between what we want versus what we have is heard through a noiseless awareness/ I am obsessed and she, in a conflict // and am unwilling to say the final no // both of us are in suspension between the undeniable yesterday, an elusive tomorrow, both hoping and both alone.
Short Stories
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Nice existential piece that you intertwine with another. You give the reader just a piece of what you’re capable of, and that short amount of text leaves the reader wanting more, well done!
Here are some thoughts:
1. The idea of bars and cage as freedom is such an abstract way of thinking and it’s a great approach.
exists because we’re both trapped in a point in time where the bars of our respective cage is our freedom
2. ‘noiseless awareness’ is such a strong descriptor, great work!
and the conflict between what we want versus what we have is heard through a noiseless awareness
3. This transition doesn’t work as well at the others because the first line ends by referencing ‘she’ so then by saying ‘am’ the pronoun/verb doesn’t agree, even though I figure you are saying it in first person in this case: [I] am unwilling
I am obsessed and she, in a conflict // and am unwilling to say the final no
4. Loved the closing line, great diction and solid reference to the initial sentence to tie it back together.
both of us are in suspension between the undeniable yesterday, an elusive tomorrow, both hoping and both alone.
Excellent job, I look forward to reading more of your work!