but she felt the same.
She raised her hand for her name,
But did not play the game.
She avoided the fame,
But still ended up being covered in shame.
Maybe next week…
maybe next week she’ll learn to speak,
And remember NOT to freak.
Maybe then she won’t feel so weak.
Somehow she’ll find the strength,
And by the Grace of God, She’ll find her way.
And in that way, She’ll stay.
stay in the present,
Stay in the living.
She’ll forget about the past,
And work on forgiving.
She’ll work on forgiving…
forgiving others and herself,
For that is the best form of health…..
the best form of wealth.
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One Comment on “Trial and Error”
I absolutely the subtlety of this poem. It grants the reader the slightest clue as to what happened to the character to cause her to be so timid and ill-minded. There are specific lines, such as “she won’t feel so weak,” “She’ll forget about the past” and “She’ll work on forgiving / forgiving others and herself,” that automatically compel me to think that she was abused or raped, but the lines are also extremely ambiguous so that she could have actually been bullied, or left behind my family, or betrayed by her friends – anything. The uncertainty of this poem is what gives it life and energy because the said character could have undergone just about any turmoil, but it’s up to the reader’s interpretation – their own suggestion of the mind – as to what precisely occurred. Brilliant!
I also love that, while this poem insinuates that a bad event took place to the character and brought woe upon her, it is not focused on the event itself, but the process of recovery. Obviously, the hardest thing about going through a terrible experience is not coming to terms with it but forgiving and moving on. This is what this poem represents – the struggle to keep trekking forward so that you can regain a sense of normalcy: “maybe next week she’ll learn to speak” and “Somehow she’ll find the strength” are prime examples of the obstacles that comes with re-adjusting to the circumstances. It’s hard to find your voice to talk about it as well as it’s difficult to find the motivation to do what needs to be done. You encompassed all of these emotions so delicately and in such a beautiful style!
I have only one main bit of advice for you: during the first half of the poem, you write “she” with a lower case “s,” but in the second half, with an upper case. I am assuming that, after you mentioned the phrase “by the Grace of God,” you wanted to indicate an establishing relationship or partnership between the title character and God. (When people refer to God by a pronoun in literature, they write “He.”) My advice to you is, for the sake of consistency, pick one or the other – an upper case or a lower “s” – because it can be a little distracting to the reader. On the other hand, another idea is to separate the two versions of the letter “s” into two stanzas. By doing this, you can demonstrate a contrast between the present and the future for the character. To clarify, presently, she feels weak and not at ease, hence the lower case “s.” She feels utterly inferior. However, as she turns to God more in the impending future, she will feel stronger and less insecure. She will be mightier, hence the upper case “S.” Again, this is just a suggestion, but I think that making this amendment would make this poem THAT MUCH MORE IMPACTFUL!
All in all, this was a wonderfully crafted poem – full of meaning and potential empowerment. Well done!
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