shame from my awkward interactions. young and uneducated. selfish attempts only end with a long, brain dead nap.
life continues, five more years. more self inflicted shame. inward facing anger. projected outward. the noose tightens properly, but, no inspection upon the girder its tied. a simple under sight with a beam snap.
life continues, five more years. devastating decisions made, building stress unbearable. more selfish decisions. life feels so shameful and unworthy. past haunting memories, riddle deep in mind.
quivering hands, cold steel. forethought images distract a long decision. courage rises.
safety click hits louder than any gunfire. shaking stops. untrained realization sets in. three times tried. three times failed.
ill try again in just five more years.
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Very deep poem, I feel that many people can relate to this in a sense. More than just a suicidal way as well. Like you want accomplish something but you always put it aside. “I’ll do it tomorrow, next month, or next year.” Then finally you get some of a motivation and courage, you try again but you end up back in square one. Of course, I do not condone trying to kill yourself, but I definitely see the moral behind it. I hope whatever you are going through gets better, thanks for posting.
Im glad you were able to pick up the ironic duality. Alot of my writing is self influenced. I appreciate you and see you. Thank you.