Nine nights had passed since Screech had found two Demise children, alone in the city that never sleeps. One of them is running back to the apartment, the other comfortably sleeps on the floor, drooling. The teen barges through the door and immediately locks it.
“TAHIR, WAKE UP!” He yells at Tahir, immediately waking him up and dragging him off the cold wood floor to his feet. “We’re leaving.” He said fixing Tahir’s hair.
“Again?” Tahir sighed.
“Yup” The teen laughed as yelling and banging could be heard from behind the door. “And now we make our leave. He laughed as they both darted out to the fire escape, vaulting over the rail and descending into the alleyway. They stepped onto the sidewalk and smoothly integrated themselves with the crowded streets of New York City.
“Hey, Drex,” Tahir asks, “Do you think mom and dad are happy wherever they are?” He adds with a smile.
“Um… Yea, of course.” Drex added as he begins to tear up. They walk for what seems to be hours, pickpocketing tens of unsuspecting people; pulling out the money and tossing their wallets into alleyways. Soon they arrived at another abandoned apartment complex, this one was a little sturdier than the last. They climbed the stairs and took a room on the second floor, in which a part of the wall was shattered, allowing a plethora of the beautiful city’s light to flood the room. The boys sit down across from the light show, almost instantly falling asleep. They both were abruptly awoken by the sound of a gun cocking, fixing their eyes on the gun.
“You two are in for it now” The women laughed, but Tahir’s slowly began to look up at her. “Aren’t you scar-” She is cut off by Tahir’s yawn, pushing her over the edge and causing her to pull the trigger, shooting a bullet into Drex’s arm causing him to scream in agony. “Oh what a sham-” Her laugh is cut off by Drex’s fist breaking into her teeth. Tahir kicks the women in her throat, crushing her larynx. They both stand up and dart for the door but, are greeted by a fairly large and muscular man who decided that the best course of action would be to slam his fist into their chests, forcing them onto the ground.
“I’d be better if you both just stayed down.” The man chuckled while staring down at Tahir… but, just as he blinked, the man’s eyes were forced open as Tahir plunged his fist through his abdomen.
“You die here,” Tahir whispered, ducking as a bone and lead stalactite pierced the man’s chest, killing him instantly. Tahir looks back to see Drex’s arms shrouded in bone with a gap between what appeared as a cannon head and his actual forearm.
“How’d you do that.” The both simultaneously exclaimed as they ran out of the apartment building, stopping dead in their tracks as they were surrounded by gang members. They both smiled and dashed in opposite directions. Drex pointed his cannon forward and held his breath as bullets entered his chest and arms, and when they stopped to reload, he smirked.
“Thanks for the material.” He laughed as he puts his arms out in front of him, they combine into one as he lets out a barrage of smaller stalactites, completely decimating his side of the crowd. On the other side, Tahir had taken a few bullets but, continued to shrug them off. He was now moving at what seemed to be as fast as the bullets which entered his body. This made his punches and kicks more precise and dangerous. Within two minutes, he had killed four people and left the other 20 unconscious.
“…That was kinda fun, Drex”
“…let’s get out of here before the cops get here,” Drex said as they left the scene. Months had passed since that day; the boys had taken over the majority of the Manhatten gangs and united them all under the name “Steel Demon”. The members nicknamed Drex, Burst due to his ability to send a burst of bone and whatever material his body has absorbed previously and nicknamed Tahir, Tiny due to how his ability changes his body due to what he was attacked by.
By Christmas day, Steel Demon had taken over the entirety of Staten Island, feared by all and threatened to take over all of the NY gangs, but today was the day it all would change, Christmas was meant to be a day in which families bonded, where presents where shared and everyone was happy but, for Drex and Tahir, they had no family but themselves.
“Let’s make it back, Drex” Tahir suggested, “we have what we came here for.” Tahir held a wallet in his hand while Drex held an unconscious man in his other.
“Fine” Drex drops the man “Let’s get home, I haven’t eaten in a hot minute” He laughed
“I’ll do it this time.” Tahir smiled
“You sure?”
“Positive,” Tahir said as Drex takes the man’s gun, laying three rounds into Tahir’s leg. “That’s enough” Tahir grunted as he picked Drex up and ran out the construction site. Within 20 minutes, they had arrived at the front door of their home just before Tahir had run out of power, dropping Drex onto the pavement.
“OW, what was that for!” He exclaimed
“I’m tired” Tahir sighed as he opened the door, only to be greeted by Screech, dressed in red and black.
“Hello, my name is Screech, leader of Union.” He calmly said, giving off a slightly menacing vibe. Feeling threatened by my presence, Drex extends his arm and fires off four rounds of bone shards at him. I open the palms of my hands and release a wave of sound, causing them to stop mid-flight. “Is that all?” He places his hand out in front of him, sending off a deafening sound which forced them to their knees, He immediately stops the sound causing them to drop to the ground. “And just to make sure you two know how out of your league you are.” He pointed his right arm towards the ceiling letting out a low buzzing sound. Just as the boys looked up, the floors above them were destroyed and turned to dust. “Do you to give up?” He laughed.
“…Yes” They said simultaneously.
“Let’s get going, neither of you have tapped into your real strength, you’ve have only used a small portion of it.” He laughed picking them both up and bringing them down the street to a Chevrolet Impala. “I’ll explain what we are when we get back to base, but for now, enjoy the few.” The boys nodded as they looked out the windows, watching as the bright lights of New York slowly became more and more distant until they couldn’t see it anymore.
“Screech, what are the others like?” Drex questioned.
“Well, just like everyone else in the world, they are all different, Like Blade, who is hot-headed compared to Smoke, who is calm for the most part.” He laughed. “But, were a family, so we all learn to deal with each other. You two should sleep though, we’ll be driving for about two days”
“I don’t believe that.” Tahir snapped “You came and took us from our home, so we could be part of your “family” what’s the whole point of tha-”
“We’ll with everything you’ve to have done in the last several months, you’ve gotten a lot of attention from a certain organization.” He sighed. “Since you never encountered them, you haven’t noticed that in that same building… which is now gone, there was someone ready to attack, someone much stronger than you both. If I wasn’t there, you two might’ve been taken.”
“Taken where.” They said in unison.
“A place where… I’ll let the others tell you of their experiences” He turned back to face the road “We were all tortured for what seemed to be an eternity… But we can tal-.” Their united snores had broken his thought, snoring louder than his children did at one time. Screech had found himself smiling as they drove through the rest of the night.
Fantasy
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Your dialogue is great, really realistic, however, if you’re up for some criticism, the format is a little off.
Any dialogue that isn’t a question and ends with a dialogue tag (he said, she asked, they yelled, etc) should have a comma. For example, instead of:
“…Yes” They said simultaneously.
You should write:
“…Yes,” they said simultaneously.
The sentence doesn’t end with the quote, it ends with the dialogue tag. So there should be a comma after yes, and “they” should be lowercase. Only capitalize a proper noun, like a name.
Let me know if you’d like more examples! Keep up the good work 🙂
Thank you LindsayB, I definitely go back through all the Chapters I have made so far (About 13) and edit them. It’ll take some time, but I’ll do it during break. Thank you for your help. 🙂