a dark friday night, in the corner of 90201 room
old pictures of memories scattered across the floor.
the window cracked open with the blinds over the screen
the crickets chirp as the humid breeze fills the air.
fluorescent bathroom lights reflecting across the room.
black, grey, and white landscape canvases still on the wall.
everything is just about the same, except it isn’t.
the empty void in me never seems to fill anymore.
not a smile or laugh can change my mood.
summer nights spent in the bathroom crying with a razor in hand.
marking the scars that stain my thighs like tattoos.
the ink that permanently tore through my soul.
its like no matter how long i go on,
days seem to be shorter, nights seem longer
every dream feels like a never ending nightmare.
the Devil has taken over me, a demon hidden in me.
the demon chokes me in my sleep.
i try to move, scream, and kick but my body is paralyzed.
i hear a loud screeching noises as a dark figure approaches me.
i just lay there till it stops.
nothing is no longer a feeling or an emotion to me.
everything has consumed and eaten me whole.
nothing is making me bold and unafraid.
insecurities and doubts, there is no way out.
the wall i built to block out the emotions have crumbled.
this wall seems unrepairable.
these words, these thoughts i say but not aloud,
have created a new demon, a demon that casts over me.
a demon that i can’t seem to live without
the insecurities, without the doubts,
without the useless words that pour out of mouth.
without all the hatred, lies, and deceit.
without commitment, shareness of one’s heart.
with the sympathy of one’s self, this demon has
taken over the girl who stares back at him.
he no longer casted over me, now he is him
and him is me..
–amaya cowan
7/26/2019
11:15PM
Poetry