JoshuaHarestad

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"Tailspin"

by JoshuaHarestad

Falling. Spiraling. Locked in a tailspin, and doomed to crash. Surely it would have been,...

0 Likes | 0 comment | 285 views | Poetry | February 16, 2022

"Hiding"

by JoshuaHarestad

Outside I play my part. Inside I want to scream. It’s all the little things. An interruption. A need. Again and again and then......

0 Likes | 0 comment | 484 views | Poetry | November 29, 2021

"My Brain, Their Proxy War"

by JoshuaHarestad

They weren’t parents. They were captors. They were abusers. He hated her, she hated him, and together they made me. I was the glue that held it all together. Their proxy war. ...

0 Likes | 0 comment | 548 views | Autobiography | October 28, 2021

"Loneliness"

by JoshuaHarestad

You already feel sad, but you also know you’ll never be truly better, so you feel more sad....

0 Likes | 0 comment | 544 views | Poetry | October 26, 2021

"Memory #2"

by JoshuaHarestad

It starts with loud voices which soon become yelling. A door slams. I stay still in my bed, paralyzed with fear. I hear my name among the fighting. Later, maybe seconds, maybe hours, it stops, my door opens, t...

0 Likes | 0 comment | 557 views | General | July 29, 2021

"Bitter Burden"

by JoshuaHarestad

The dark despair has me in its grips. Sadness overwhelms me. The light of hope flickers out....

0 Likes | 0 comment | 423 views | General | June 18, 2021

"Amongst Chaos"

by JoshuaHarestad

39 years. That is how long it took me to start, just start, discovering who I am. I was lost amongst chaos. I’ve lived in 16 plac...

0 Likes | 0 comment | 376 views | General | June 8, 2021

"My Monstrous Creation"

by JoshuaHarestad

I spread the mortar and placed the bricks just as I was told to do. With a mold made of anger and hatred I built each individual bar....

1 Like | 0 comment | 374 views | Prose | May 23, 2021

"Until The Flesh Tears"

by JoshuaHarestad

I want a serrated blade. I will start slowly at first. Sawing gently. Legs, feet, ankles....

1 Like | 0 comment | 490 views | Poetry | February 16, 2021

"We Are Strong"

by JoshuaHarestad

We are not weak, us who are mentally ill, though some think so. We fight battles unseen....

0 Likes | 0 comment | 560 views | Poetry | December 6, 2020

"Torrent"

by JoshuaHarestad

Sometimes, it is cool. It is pleasant. But sometimes, it begins to simmer,...

0 Likes | 0 comment | 779 views | Poetry | September 15, 2020

"No Scars to Hide"

by JoshuaHarestad

No scars to hide. It’s nice not to have to tell my wife, that I did it again. The anguis...

0 Likes | 0 comment | 608 views | Poetry | September 9, 2020

"No More Blood"

by JoshuaHarestad

No more cuts. No more scars. No more knives. No more blood....

1 Like | 0 comment | 621 views | Poetry | June 9, 2020

"The Eye of the Storm"

by JoshuaHarestad

Darkness receding. Daylight rises. A strange serenity. All around,...

0 Likes | 0 comment | 690 views | Poetry | March 16, 2020

"Sad Dreams"

by JoshuaHarestad

I don’t want to sleep, for the dreams make me weep, and fill my soul with sadness. The end...

0 Likes | 0 comment | 872 views | Poetry | January 13, 2020

"A Little Bit of Hope"

by JoshuaHarestad

I haven’t even wanted to write. I’ve been frozen, in a seemingly endless night. Despair...

3 Likes | 2 comments | 967 views | Poetry | January 4, 2020

"The Need for Help"

by JoshuaHarestad

Sometimes, I get paralyzed with depression. Unable to move, often for hours. I do nothing, accomplish nothing, ...

3 Likes | 1 comment | 769 views | General | December 19, 2019

"The Happy Mask is Heavy"

by JoshuaHarestad

Last night was a struggle. Due to some bad side effects the doctors took me off my mood stabilizer and simultaneously reduced the dosage of my antidepressant. They wanted me in intensive therapy while they d...

2 Likes | 2 comments | 767 views | Essays | December 17, 2019

"Fool"

by JoshuaHarestad

I’d be a fool, to think I could do, better than you, it’s true. ...

2 Likes | 1 comment | 1020 views | Poetry | December 9, 2019

"Insomnia"

by JoshuaHarestad

Sleepless night. Pacing. Leg bouncing. Fingers twitching....

1 Like | 1 comment | 849 views | Poetry | October 12, 2019

"Winter Comes"

by JoshuaHarestad

Winter comes. The days grow dark. The air grows cold. Soon enough, snow will fall,...

3 Likes | 1 comment | 888 views | Poetry | September 27, 2019

"On Marriage"

by JoshuaHarestad

There aren’t a lot of things that I can consider myself successful at, but I have succeeded in one crucial area. And that is my marriage. My wife and I have been together since we met the first week of col...

2 Likes | 0 comment | 688 views | Autobiography | September 24, 2019

"Lost to Time"

by JoshuaHarestad

Where did my home go? I cannot find it anywhere. This is the wrong universe for me....

3 Likes | 1 comment | 890 views | Poetry | September 22, 2019

"The Winding Trail"

by JoshuaHarestad

I walked along the winding trail, the dog running before me, my wife next to me. With clif...

0 Likes | 1 comment | 979 views | Poetry | September 20, 2019

"My Truest Friends"

by JoshuaHarestad

I hate it when people see my scars. I can feel their judgement. Yet I bare them anyway. For...

3 Likes | 1 comment | 904 views | Poetry | September 18, 2019

"Never Mine"

by JoshuaHarestad

I crave her caress. Desire her love. She is perfection in the flesh. An angel made h...

2 Likes | 1 comment | 1114 views | Poetry | September 15, 2019

"The Story My Flesh Tells"

by JoshuaHarestad

My flesh will tell you a story, of a man filled with self loathing. Deep scars across my legs,...

5 Likes | 2 comments | 868 views | Poetry | September 15, 2019

"No Pain No Gain"

by JoshuaHarestad

No pain no gain, so they say. But what if your pain, your love for it,...

3 Likes | 0 comment | 1076 views | Poetry | July 5, 2019

"Owls"

by JoshuaHarestad

I looked outside the window, and there were owls. Five of them. About a foot tall....

4 Likes | 1 comment | 1230 views | Poetry | June 30, 2019

"Roy’s Eulogy"

by JoshuaHarestad

I first met Roy when I was moving into my new home. I was alone, my wife had the two young children with her. I’d brought the very first load up to our new home. I was using an old ambulance as a moving van....

4 Likes | 1 comment | 690 views | Narrative Nonfiction | June 22, 2019

"The Masochist"

by JoshuaHarestad

Pain is always with us. Some just can’t ignore it. Either it makes us agonize. Or it gives...

0 Likes | 0 comment | 1040 views | Poetry | June 20, 2019

"2:14 AM"

by JoshuaHarestad

2:14 AM. Words don’t describe, this feeling. Anxiety,...

1 Like | 1 comment | 1111 views | Poetry | June 13, 2019

"Self Portraits"

by JoshuaHarestad

Some call them poems, but for me, they are all, self portraits....

5 Likes | 2 comments | 1111 views | Poetry | June 8, 2019

"Like Stars"

by JoshuaHarestad

My scars are like the stars. Too many to count. Yet although the stars are bright. And sit at great height....

4 Likes | 1 comment | 1197 views | Poetry | June 3, 2019

"Dark House"

by JoshuaHarestad

The last day of Charlie’s life started like most others. Getting ready for work. He worked for a real estate company assessing properties that had been abandoned. ...

1 Like | 0 comment | 806 views | Science Fiction | May 28, 2019

"No Unicorn"

by JoshuaHarestad

No one told me that I have borderline. But they told my wife. They put me through borderline therapy....

1 Like | 0 comment | 1048 views | Poetry | May 26, 2019

"Celebrating Spring"

by JoshuaHarestad

Rain falls from a cloudy gray sky. Bits of sun break through, reflecting off the puddles. Th...

6 Likes | 2 comments | 1050 views | Poetry | April 8, 2019

"The Red Lady"

by JoshuaHarestad

The red lady haunts me. I no she is bad but I love her the same. I cannot help it. She bring...

0 Likes | 0 comment | 1028 views | Poetry | March 5, 2019

"Cutting"

by JoshuaHarestad

I like to cut myself. It’s fucked up, I know, but I get a perverse pleasure from it. It st...

0 Likes | 1 comment | 1231 views | Poetry | March 1, 2019

"bloody feast"

by JoshuaHarestad

quiet sniffing slow faster silence a howl...

0 Likes | 1 comment | 1179 views | Poetry | February 28, 2019