randyjohnson

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16 Post

Posts:

"GE Appliances"

by randyjohnson

There's something about my wife that astounds me. She won't use any appliance un...

0 Likes | 0 comment | 19 views | Poetry | July 14, 2018

"Dad Ceased To Be Alive"

by randyjohnson

Half a decade ago today, Dad ceased to be alive. Five years ago, Dad died...

0 Likes | 0 comment | 35 views | Poetry | July 13, 2018

"A Different Version of Hide and Seek"

by randyjohnson

My nephew is making me play a different version of hide and seek. This version involves a gun, if he finds me, things will become bleak. In this version, if a player is found, he is killed. I'm scared out of my wits, I'm sure not thrilled....

0 Likes | 2 comments | 58 views | Poetry | July 9, 2018

"I Wrote The Declaration of Independence"

by randyjohnson

I got tired of being called a hillbilly from the sticks. So I built a time machine...

1 Like | 2 comments | 62 views | Poetry | July 4, 2018

"Repentance"

by randyjohnson

When a man murdered three innocent people, he got life without parole. After he was locked up, something was missing from his life, he wasn't whole. If you're wondering what was missing, I'll give you a hint. He turned to a higher power bec...

1 Like | 1 comment | 57 views | Poetry | July 4, 2018

"Opened Star Wars Action Figures"

by randyjohnson

I had all of the original Star Wars action figures that were sealed in their pac...

0 Likes | 0 comment | 51 views | Poetry | July 3, 2018

"Stick My Job Where The Sun Doesn’t Shine"

by randyjohnson

What was the point of going to college and furthering my education? I've been here for twenty years and have gotten nothing during the duration. I sell appliances in this crummy store. I quit, I won't work at this place anymore. I have two...

1 Like | 2 comments | 71 views | Poetry | July 1, 2018

"Two Purrfect Sweethearts"

by randyjohnson

I have two purrfect sweethearts and I'm smitten. They are yellow and they're my...

0 Likes | 1 comment | 63 views | Poetry | June 29, 2018

"Cheating Electrician"

by randyjohnson

I cheated when I went to the electrician school. I don't know what I'm doing, I am truly a fool. I always screw up every house that I wire. When the power is turned on, people scream "Fire!" I connect 110 volt wires to 220 outlets and 220...

1 Like | 1 comment | 79 views | Poetry | June 28, 2018

"Vigilante Cop"

by randyjohnson

A vigilante cop ended crime no matter what it took. He produced phony evidence to put away the crooks. He would also shoot criminals and make it look like self defense. Criminals in his town wound up being referred to in the past tense. He...

0 Likes | 1 comment | 72 views | Poetry | June 28, 2018

"Yoda Stole My Soda"

by randyjohnson

While I wasn't looking, somebody stole my soda. I quickly learned that it was Je...

0 Likes | 2 comments | 75 views | Poetry | June 28, 2018

"Destroy Doctor Who"

by randyjohnson

Back in the 1970s, the BBC destroyed many episodes of the classic Doctor Who....

0 Likes | 3 comments | 90 views | Poetry | June 26, 2018

"An Apple a Day"

by randyjohnson

People started returning apples to my store. Because of word of mouth, they don...

0 Like | 3 comments | 105 views | Poetry | June 26, 2018

"Return or Burn"

by randyjohnson

I've been good to you and I let you live in my house rent free. You did something even though you knew it would anger me. You've really ticked me off because of what you did today. You came in my house with episodes of the new Doctor Who on...

2 Likes | 3 comments | 97 views | Poetry | June 25, 2018

"A Fate Worse Than Death"

by randyjohnson

A maniac has kidnapped me and he's holding a gun to my head. He's forcing me to watch the new Doctor Who but I'd rather be dead. I can't stand the new Doctor Who TV show, why is he doing this to me? This is a fate worse than death, I want h...

0 Likes | 2 comments | 87 views | Humor | June 24, 2018

"Cigarette Thief"

by randyjohnson

Whenever I buy cigarettes, my neighbor steals them. I really hate thieves and a part of me...

0 Likes | 3 comments | 77 views | Humor | June 24, 2018