randyjohnson

3 Likes

289 Views

23 Post

Posts:

"Terrible Moonshine"

by randyjohnson

People don't like me because I make terrible moonshine. Nobody in their right...

1 Like | 1 comment | 33 views | Poetry | September 14, 2018

"I’d Rather Watch Paint Dry"

by randyjohnson

There is something that I hate, and it's something I won't deny. I hate the new Doctor Who TV show, I'd rather watch paint dry. I even complained to the BBC, and told them that I hate their show. If you're wondering if I'll ever watch it ag...

1 Like | 1 comment | 49 views | Poetry | September 11, 2018

"Burt"

by randyjohnson

Because of a man's death, millions have been hurt. He was a fantastic actor, and...

1 Like | 1 comment | 52 views | Poetry | September 7, 2018

"That’s The Good Thing About Possum Innards"

by randyjohnson

That's the good thing about possum innards, just as good the second day. But when...

0 Likes | 0 comment | 56 views | Humor | September 1, 2018

"Arthenia"

by randyjohnson

Arthenia was my aunt and she was as kind as she could be. She was a lovin...

0 Likes | 1 comment | 99 views | Poetry | August 4, 2018

"Happy Birthday, Mom – Part VI"

by randyjohnson

Many people know how important you were to me. If you hadn't died, today you woul...

1 Like | 0 comment | 92 views | Poetry | August 2, 2018

"Pantsed"

by randyjohnson

My ex-girlfriend dumped me even though I have cancer. My sister knocked her out in a mall and then she pantsed her. She had to walk around the mall in her underwear. People pointed and laughed, I wish I had been there. You may want to dump...

0 Likes | 0 comment | 124 views | Poetry | July 19, 2018

"GE Appliances"

by randyjohnson

There's something about my wife that astounds me. She won't use any appliance un...

0 Likes | 0 comment | 89 views | Poetry | July 14, 2018

"Dad Ceased To Be Alive"

by randyjohnson

Half a decade ago today, Dad ceased to be alive. Five years ago, Dad died...

0 Likes | 0 comment | 115 views | Poetry | July 13, 2018

"A Different Version of Hide and Seek"

by randyjohnson

My nephew is making me play a different version of hide and seek. This version involves a gun, if he finds me, things will become bleak. In this version, if a player is found, he is killed. I'm scared out of my wits, I'm sure not thrilled....

0 Likes | 2 comments | 148 views | Poetry | July 9, 2018

"I Wrote The Declaration of Independence"

by randyjohnson

I got tired of being called a hillbilly from the sticks. So I built a time machine...

1 Like | 2 comments | 122 views | Poetry | July 4, 2018

"Repentance"

by randyjohnson

When a man murdered three innocent people, he got life without parole. After he was locked up, something was missing from his life, he wasn't whole. If you're wondering what was missing, I'll give you a hint. He turned to a higher power bec...

1 Like | 1 comment | 110 views | Poetry | July 4, 2018

"Opened Star Wars Action Figures"

by randyjohnson

I had all of the original Star Wars action figures that were sealed in their pac...

0 Likes | 0 comment | 102 views | Poetry | July 3, 2018

"Stick My Job Where The Sun Doesn’t Shine"

by randyjohnson

What was the point of going to college and furthering my education? I've been here for twenty years and have gotten nothing during the duration. I sell appliances in this crummy store. I quit, I won't work at this place anymore. I have two...

1 Like | 2 comments | 131 views | Poetry | July 1, 2018

"Two Purrfect Sweethearts"

by randyjohnson

I have two purrfect sweethearts and I'm smitten. They are yellow and they're my...

1 Like | 2 comments | 124 views | Poetry | June 29, 2018

"Cheating Electrician"

by randyjohnson

I cheated when I went to the electrician school. I don't know what I'm doing, I am truly a fool. I always screw up every house that I wire. When the power is turned on, people scream "Fire!" I connect 110 volt wires to 220 outlets and 220...

1 Like | 1 comment | 159 views | Poetry | June 28, 2018

"Vigilante Cop"

by randyjohnson

A vigilante cop ended crime no matter what it took. He produced phony evidence to put away the crooks. He would also shoot criminals and make it look like self defense. Criminals in his town wound up being referred to in the past tense. He...

0 Likes | 1 comment | 135 views | Poetry | June 28, 2018

"Yoda Stole My Soda"

by randyjohnson

While I wasn't looking, somebody stole my soda. I quickly learned that it was Je...

1 Like | 2 comments | 170 views | Poetry | June 28, 2018

"Destroy Doctor Who"

by randyjohnson

Back in the 1970s, the BBC destroyed many episodes of the classic Doctor Who....

0 Likes | 3 comments | 172 views | Poetry | June 26, 2018

"An Apple a Day"

by randyjohnson

People started returning apples to my store. Because of word of mouth, they don...

0 Like | 3 comments | 218 views | Poetry | June 26, 2018

"Return or Burn"

by randyjohnson

I've been good to you and I let you live in my house rent free. You did something even though you knew it would anger me. You've really ticked me off because of what you did today. You came in my house with episodes of the new Doctor Who on...

2 Likes | 3 comments | 176 views | Poetry | June 25, 2018

"A Fate Worse Than Death"

by randyjohnson

A maniac has kidnapped me and he's holding a gun to my head. He's forcing me to watch the new Doctor Who but I'd rather be dead. I can't stand the new Doctor Who TV show, why is he doing this to me? This is a fate worse than death, I want h...

0 Likes | 2 comments | 155 views | Humor | June 24, 2018

"Cigarette Thief"

by randyjohnson

Whenever I buy cigarettes, my neighbor steals them. I really hate thieves and a part of me...

0 Likes | 3 comments | 125 views | Humor | June 24, 2018