I can hear the wave collapsing
On the shore that is your mind
When this ship sails into harbor
Did you know this is my Noah’s ark
And did you know I built it just for you
So that we may go two by two
Just me and you
Into the flood my tears I’ll send
When I learn that there’s no rainbow
For me after this ship ride ends
And I’ll be left on soaking shores
Where the wave did once lean over
To whisper into your closed ear
To tell you that I love you
Until it did fall down once more
When you gave your reply
You can throw away your ticket now
This boat has lost its anchor
It’s not safe for either of us to ride–
And now the tide begins to rise
I see your silhouette on the horizon line
I place my message in a bottle
As the captain goes down with her ship
One last time.
Poetry
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I like the perspective you bring to this subject, and the biblical references really strength the piece.
I am a little confused by the syntax of the line “into the flood my tears would send” Perhaps to add some clarity you could try:
1) “Into the flood my tears were sent.”
2) “Into the flood my tears are sent.”
3) “Into the flood my tears I’ll send.”
Other than that, the rest of the poem reads nicely!
Thank you! I really appreciate that you read my poem and gave me some pointers. You’re the best!
I really enjoyed reading this piece. I was first pulled in by the title. I love the beach and the ocean so I decided to read your poem. However, as I began to read I realized that this was a much more powerful piece than one just talking about waves crashing. This is a powerful poem and story. I could feel the character’s emotions as I continued to read your work.
I can’t tell you how much it means to me when people like yourself read my poems and give a thoughtful, intuitive reply. Thank you so much!
This is caring and uplifting with a wave of desolation and mystery.