at night
we sit upon
the cold floor
the children poor
we live next door
we learn to read and write
from the refrigerator light
that move upon the haunted floor but
with a quality education should be a right
Poetry
One Comment on “We Live Next Door”
I like it. Interesting use of descending line length for emphasis. I had a little trouble with the slant rhyming. i.e., floor,poor,door, the assonance seemed a bit jarring. You might rethink the last line; the poetic “turn” from the sense impressions to the declarative l “should be a right” seems abrupt.
I like it. Interesting use of descending line length for emphasis. I had a little trouble with the slant rhyming. i.e., floor,poor,door, the assonance seemed a bit jarring. You might rethink the last line; the poetic “turn” from the sense impressions to the declarative l “should be a right” seems abrupt.