How is it that just one look at you makes me want to do everything for you
I want you to feel what happiness feels like. I want you to know what it feels like to look at someone and feel your heart warm up like it’s been away from home for years and its just returned. I want you to feel that knot in your stomach at the thought of the person you love with someone else. I want you to light up at the sound of their voice, to feel like talking to them is all you need to complete your day and you can finally go to sleep in peace. I want you to be happy, even if its not with me.
Poetry
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The purity of this work of prose is utterly, undeniably, beautifully heart-warming. Particularly, I love this line – “I want you to know what it feels like to look at someone and feel your warm up like it’s been away from home for years and its just returned” – because it is so specific to the type of love that the narrator wants to offer to this special someone. A love that is all-encompassing and bestows complete comfort; a love that wracks the body and the body in the most blissful way possible, absent of hurt or pain or uncertainty; a love that makes that special someone feel grounded and whole. Just in general, this work impresses on the reader a sensation of affection and kindness, showing that the narrator – with all of his/her heart – wishes this special someone only the best things in the world. I absolutely adore it!
My only suggestion for you is to revise the topic sentence because it does not quite reflect the rest of the prose. The narrator claims that he/she wants “to do everything” for this person; however, the following paragraph focuses primarily on helping this special someone find a partner who will make them feel good about themselves, who will serve as a solace, who will light up their world, whose loss would be detrimental, and who will be a total blessing. Now, although finding love is a major achievement for anybody, I don’t not think that it accurately represents “everything.” To be honest, when I first began reading this piece, I thought the narrator was going to declare how he/she wanted to help this special someone succeed in life, such as helping them find a job, overcome their fears, confront their enemies, travel the globe, become their ideal self – things of that sort. Essentially, the word “everything” covers a vast range of concepts, so I think that you would be better off revising the first sentence so that matches the theme of love. For example, you could amend it to something along the lines of this: “How is it that just one look at you makes me want to make your heart feel whole.” A sentence such as this embodies the main idea of the prose more effectively and will give the reader a solid grasp of what the narrator craves for this special someone.
Still, all in all, I applaud you for crafting such a lovely, genuine piece!