today Friday January 31st 2020, been battling my fears, my desires, my will to go back to a person who i can’t stand anymore, it hurts, it stings, it’s painful i can’t stand the it no longer the pain in my heart is to much, but the desire of keeping my self away from her is to much.
I cant no longer let my self to think about her, every time i start thinking about her, I’m trying to keep my self busy, keep my self entertained from the painful ways of getting my heart broken even more, the way she treated me, the way she made me feel, she would lie, torture me, take advantage of my self, but after all i cant say i hate her, i cant let my self talk bad about her, it’s a big remorse even tho I (LOATHE) her and wish i wouldn’t have let her take such advantage of my self. I am glad i had the opportunity to meet her, have her in my life, have her in my arms, hold her tears down when she’d look for me for shelter. I am no longer my self I’ve been trying to learn from my mistakes, trying to grow bigger and better about my self, because i can’t no longer be around her, its been days since i last saw her, its been a week since i last spoke with her, and with all my heart i really hope she’s doing good, with all my heart i wish her happiness, I wish her luck with her love life, with her daughters, with her self. I no longer want or need the desire to see her everyday, I no longer want to see her, I want her to be happy, as much as I want to be happy with my self.
The last thing I want to do at this moment is to see her, the last thing I want to do is hear her voice, the last thing I want to do is to have her in my arms, hold her tight against my self, hear her voice, feel her tears on my shoulders, the last thing I want is her around me at this moment, but at the same time all my heart wants is her, her voice, tears, touch, smell, I my self are weak, soft at heart, in the need to feel loved, to feel like there is a purpose for me to keep going, to keep fighting to keep the fight going, I desire to be admired by her, her daughters, her family, her friends, but at the end of the day that is something that would never be possible that would never come to a reality, it all lives in my mind it all lives in my soul, but at the end of the day, this is something that I should kick out of my self, my soul, my mind, my desire to be with her is brighter and bigger than anything I’ve ever thought, more than i ever thought I could handle all i can say is God bless you and keep you under his protection and you’r loved ones, I wish you luck. because if you have a problem that you can’t no longer handle your self sadly and with all the pain in my heart, the desire to forget you and get over your self, I will always be here waiting for the time that I can be with you one more time….
No longer will I allow my self to think about you. No longer will I allow my self to go back chasing after you, you betrayed me and hurt my self to the biggest extend possible, I didn’t know such pain existed until the day I meet you and got hurt to the edge of me, but ( I FORGIVE YOU )…
Realistic Fiction
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