One day, while I was sitting alone in my room, contemplating life, a small devil appeared on my right shoulder. He looked like what I would describe as a typical representation of Satan. Red, Horns, Pitchfork, and cloven hooves.
I glanced at my right shoulder, expecting to see an angel there, but there was no angel. I immediately flicked the small devil from my right shoulder. Watching him fall to the floor, he seemed to fall in slow motion, like a running Baywatch character.
As he, I think of the Satan as a he, I really don’t know why, hit the floor he immediately transformed into a normal looking human. He looked an awful lot like me. He had a bit of a red tint to his skin. He looked exactly like me, in fact, if I had been in the sun too long.
“Why did you choose to take that particular form?” To which he replied, “I can take any form you like.”, and began fluctuating into different forms. Occasionally stopping on one form or another.
One was my last girlfriend. Next, a kid who used to bully me in grade school. Next, an old boss I used to have. I finally held my hand up, “Alright, Alright, just pick one for God’s sake.” His fluctuating forms slowed down, like a slot machine whose reels were running down toward an ultimate payoff.
Finally, He stopped on a form that looked exactly like my Mother. To which I said, “Nope, not right. Why don’t you just take the form of how you usually look.” He immediately took the form of a typical Angel, Halo, wings, the works. I thought for a moment, “Oh, ok, I get it, fallen Angel, right?”
“You got it friend.”, he said, and as he placed his hand on my shoulder. I jumped and backed away. Satan’s touch is like jumping into a cold river on a hot day, the shock is enough to stop your heart. I continued to back away from him, until I got to what I felt was a safe distance and the chill subsided.
I was so surprised by the whole ordeal that I didn’t even notice, I was no longer sitting in my room. Instead I was standing on the edge of a cliff, looking out at a valley below. “Jesus Christ”, I yelled, as I stepped back. Then I quietly asked forgiveness for taking the Lord’s name in vain.
“You know, that’s not what it means, right?”, Satan whispered, as he shook his head and smiled a wry little smile. “It really means something quite different.”, he said. “What are you talking about? I asked. To which he replied, “Taking the Lords name in vain, does not mean saying Jesus Christ, or God Damn, it means a lot more than that.”
“Taking the Lords name in vain is when you call yourself a “Christian”, and refuse to live as Christ lived.” “Oh, really,” I said, “Like you would know.” “I would know.”, he said, “I would know exactly.” He held his hand up, “But you believe what you want to believe. You people always do.”
I continued to slowly back away, from him, and the edge of the cliff, “Why don’t you get to the point? This is obviously some sort of test, so get on with it.” I spoke as calmly as I could, “Exactly why are you here, and why are we standing on this cliff?”
“Patience.”, he said. “Isn’t that what you people pray for all the time? Well, now’s your chance to get a little practice.” I just thought you’d get a kick of seeing what I offered Jesus, when I tried to tempt him in the wilderness.” As he spoke, he waved his hand, like a showgirl, showing off a new car I had just won.
“We’ll talk again later”, he said, and in the blink of an eye, I was back in my room, sitting at my desk, with pen in hand. I had written all of this down, without even knowing.
To Be Continued…